Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Moment's Glory

For the past three years, "Glimmering through Aspen" has been my heart and soul.  It has been my comfort and even a companion.  However, I cannot deny that the focus and purpose of this blog has faded.  Life is not stagnant and it has moved forward bringing inevitable change.  The best that we can do is to keep up and to live a happy life is to adapt to that change and to evolve.  I've faded from this blog over the past year because I've been evolving.  And that is a good thing, a very good thing.  :)

When I finally came to accept that where I am job-wise is exactly where I need to be at this moment, that opened up many doors for possibilities as I mentioned in my last post.  And when I took a step back and a deep breath, I realized that what I want to focus on at this point in my life is writing and photography.  If you have followed me at all, neither one of those may not come as a shocker.  To me, writing was something that I have always toyed around with.  In my early twenties I wrote children's books (unpublished).  I used many of those stories in my classroom and during that same time I really started to develop my curriculum writing, again unpublished, but for my own use. Writing turned to therapy after Dale died and thus this blog was created.  Writing is something that I am not ready to let go of...

I have been thinking about writing a book.  A memoir perhaps.  A realistic fiction perhaps.  I am not sure.  I have yet to type a single word but my mind and this blog are both full of them.  The idea at first frightened me.  The truth is scary and is painful.  But as time passed, I found it easier to share more deeper and darker details here and I also found myself sharing my experience with other widow's on their blogs.  I am also unsure of the purpose for this book.  If I were to ever share it with a publisher or with anyone for that matter, what is my reason?  My best friend said my story is one about hope.  She also added in that it is about the love and sacrifice that Dale had made for myself and my son, which she believes to be true. I like that story, but I do fear the other angles that could possibly be taken as well.  However, at some point soon, I am going to type my first word.  I am going to throw it all out there and if it stays in my computer only, so be it.  It wouldn't be the first time that I have written something for anyone other than myself.  But, it's an idea.  Terrifying and enticing at the same time.

Photography... This is an aftermath from Dale's death.  It began with my solo trip to Las Vegas in 2012.  Since then I actually bought a $4000 piece of work (thank God it was damaged and I was refunded!!) and even planned an entire vacation around a tree that I wanted to see (the one in the damaged artwork).  I've been finding such joy in taking pictures... of nature.  I love landscape and architecture and in the past (almost) three years since my trip to Vegas have collected some beautiful shots.  I just got a brand new camera (from John, which makes him all the more amazing as he paid attention and bought me something that he knew I really wanted without my ever disclosing to him my new found passion).  I am excited to take some classes (cameras are really complicated these days!) and even more so excited to capture the beauty that surrounds me on a daily basis and to go on more inspiring vacations as well.

"A Moment's Glory... Capturing Life Before the Moment Passes"...  This is my new blog.  I just created it yesterday and I am going completely out of my comfort zone by sharing my lens and my thoughts using my true identity.  So just in case if you were ever wondering if I was real... check me out!  But you won't find me on Blogger.  I also decided to expand my knowledge and use something new, Wordpress.

I am not completely sure of what will become of this.  What I do know is that I do not want to stop writing.  I also know that I need to move on from this blog as well.  I know too that I need a purpose in the things that I do. It was not okay for me to just take pictures to add to my thousands of other digital images that sit in my computer.  So, my idea for now is to post once a week.  I will use either a photo as inspiration and compliment it with words or vice versa.  My focus will be on enjoying life.  I am in a happy place now and I want to celebrate it and hopefully encourage others to share their happinesses as well.

(I haven't posted yet, but you can now find me at

I reserve the right to come back to this blog and post at any given time, lol... But, thank you to anyone and everyone who has visited "Glimmering Through Aspen" over the past 3 years.  <3

Friday, January 2, 2015

Options and Decisions

For some time now I have had the nagging feeling that there is something more out there for me to be doing.  What I have been struggling with is determining what in fact that is.

I thought perhaps that I was in need of a change in my job.  This is now my 14th year teaching (WOW!) and prior to moving to NYC I had taught in three different school for two years each.  Although each a challenge in its own way, I loved those schools and was happy in each of them.  It was other factors in my life that made me move so often.  Here in NYC for the past 7+ years, it has been the opposite.  I never ever thought that I would still be at the same school that I started in because I have never been truly happy there.  It was never my intention to stay there.  After my first year, I applied elsewhere.  I decided to stay however because I was given the opportunity to obtain my permanent teaching license if I completed a master's program within a year.  So, I took that option and challenge.  Staying where I was made the most sense and made a very busy year just a bit easier, so I stayed put.

Completing my master's would give me some more opportunities to expand my marketability as well as alleviate the pressure of knowing that at some point I had to complete it anyways.  However, I finished my master's literally weeks before my son was born.  My son was born in September, not the most ideal time for a teacher to start at a new school, so again I stayed at my school.  However, my master's did grant me the opportunity to take the newly opened technology teacher position at my school that year.  The change was a welcome and a blessing in many ways.  

Only twenty months after my son was born, Dale died.  And for the past three years, I have tried to keep the changes in our lives to a minimum.  My job was a constant... it was a part of my life that I did not have to start all over again, and for that, I was thankful.  Again, I stayed.  

In the past three years, although I was not ready to make a change job-wise, I did look for other avenues.  I looked for part-time jobs and  I looked for freelance curriculum writing jobs.  It wasn't about the money, it was about a new change and a new challenge to spark that side of me.  However, I never found a fit.  

This past summer I actually decided to apply for a different position within my school district.  It was something completely different from teaching.  It was a peer observing position.  During the application process what I realized was that everything that I felt made me a good candidate came from things that I accomplished in my first six years of teaching, prior to coming to NYC.  Needless to say I did not even get called for an interview and what I was left with was a low feeling of what I already knew and what I feel so strongly in that I need a change.  

What I know right now is that I still enjoy teaching.  I work hard, enjoy the students, and am effective at what I do in the classroom.  I know that right now is still not the time to make a change, again.  So I have tried to challenge myself by trying new methods and projects with my students.  That along with a few other tactics have made me content in my classroom for the time being and that allowed me to come to a different conclusion...

What I want to change doesn't necessarily stem from the career side of me.  However, I know that it doesn't categorize with me in my role as mom, partner, or friend.  It is also more than just a hobby as well.  I have a difficult time doing things that do not serve a purpose.  (Perhaps that's the introvert part of me.)  So, why did I go into such lengths and details about my job if this is not about a job or career change?  

It's about what's looking right at me and making decisions based on the choices that I have made which have led me to where I am and the options that lay before me.  My life is set up in a wonderful way and my job plays such a critical role in that.  I live and work so closely to one another.  And even thought I am antsy and feel the need for a change, what I was overlooking for so long was the opportunity that I was given with time.  Being a mother and being in a new relationship is time consuming.  That time is precious and it is time that I am not willing to give up.  However, I do have time because of  the comfort that I have in my job.  Time that I can use to fill up that need to do more.

I left my last post sharing my feelings of being at a crossroad.  This is where and why I feel that way.  For months now I have felt this way and even though I am not certain where the path will take me.  I feel as though I have an inspiration to get me started.