I was a in France when I heard the news of Robin Williams. I read it first on Facebook and even though I was in the gorgeous French Riviera with my new love, I couldn't help but to feel saddened by his death. Ironic that he never came to mind when I thought about my favorite actor, as he was the lead in two of my most favorite movies, Dead Poet's Society and Good Will Hunting where his role was just as inspirational and moving as the movie themselves. However, the sadness came from feeling a connection. A connection that I feel now when I hear of a death by suicide. I feel an utter sadness for the person who chose to take their own life, not because I know that how that pain feels, but I have seen it. I've started it straight in the eye and it's a horrific monster. I also feel a connection to the people left behind as they begin their journey of grieving, healing, and understanding.
There have been quite a few suicides since Dale's that have affected me. The first one came about a year ago when a man a few years younger than me, from my hometown took his own life. I can't say that I knew him growing up, but I knew of him. Our mothers worked together for some time years ago. My cousin was close with him and his wife. And I knew his wife when I was very young when we played on the same softball team in elementary school. I felt for her. I thought of reaching out. But I felt very far removed and the best I did was to tell my cousin that if she thought her friend needed someone to reach out, I would be there. It's hard. For me. Other than the safe confines of this blog, I don't speak about it often. On a day to day basis, it doesn't come up very often anymore. But even when it did, it was hard to speak of. And that, makes it hard to reach out to others.
The other one hit closer to home as it happened just a few days before this past Christmas. He was actually my dad's friend. I knew him pretty much my whole life. He was never married, no kids, and had no family living in town. He became sick a few years ago, diabetes, and since this man didn't drive, my father took him as far as an hour away to his doctor's appointments. That's how close my father was with him. I remember I found out the very day that I arrived at my parent's house for Christmas. I found out, not from them, but on Facebook. I don't think they knew how to tell me because not only was it a suicide, but it was done the same way as Dale.
So I couldn't help but to be affected when my USA Today app decided to update me while in Nice, with details about Robin Williams' death. He had hung himself with a belt. I remember reading that message and just stopping. My heart sank. It sank because I didn't need to know that and I especially didn't need to be updated with that news via text message because if I had, how many countless others did as well? That is the way Dale chose to end his life, exactly. This is actually the first time I have ever mentioned this on my blog. My blog of nearly three years. My anonymous blog. To me, the how seemed too private. Too intimate on a whole different level. The how shouldn't and didn't really matter, what did was the result. So my heart sank a bit deeper and I felt even more connected with people I've never met and knew nothing about.
I've started to find and read widow's and widower's blogs lately. I've browsed in the past, but none ever stuck with me. Now that I have come so far on my journey, I am curious how others have journeyed through healing and into a changed life. It's nice to find a happy ending once in a while.
--
I can't help but to leave with some of those memorable scenes from Robin Williams, may you rest in peace.
My Favorite Scence from Good Will Hunting
What Suicide Isn't... This is very well said.
http://m.blogher.com/what-suicide-isn-t-rip-robin-williams
There have been quite a few suicides since Dale's that have affected me. The first one came about a year ago when a man a few years younger than me, from my hometown took his own life. I can't say that I knew him growing up, but I knew of him. Our mothers worked together for some time years ago. My cousin was close with him and his wife. And I knew his wife when I was very young when we played on the same softball team in elementary school. I felt for her. I thought of reaching out. But I felt very far removed and the best I did was to tell my cousin that if she thought her friend needed someone to reach out, I would be there. It's hard. For me. Other than the safe confines of this blog, I don't speak about it often. On a day to day basis, it doesn't come up very often anymore. But even when it did, it was hard to speak of. And that, makes it hard to reach out to others.
The other one hit closer to home as it happened just a few days before this past Christmas. He was actually my dad's friend. I knew him pretty much my whole life. He was never married, no kids, and had no family living in town. He became sick a few years ago, diabetes, and since this man didn't drive, my father took him as far as an hour away to his doctor's appointments. That's how close my father was with him. I remember I found out the very day that I arrived at my parent's house for Christmas. I found out, not from them, but on Facebook. I don't think they knew how to tell me because not only was it a suicide, but it was done the same way as Dale.
So I couldn't help but to be affected when my USA Today app decided to update me while in Nice, with details about Robin Williams' death. He had hung himself with a belt. I remember reading that message and just stopping. My heart sank. It sank because I didn't need to know that and I especially didn't need to be updated with that news via text message because if I had, how many countless others did as well? That is the way Dale chose to end his life, exactly. This is actually the first time I have ever mentioned this on my blog. My blog of nearly three years. My anonymous blog. To me, the how seemed too private. Too intimate on a whole different level. The how shouldn't and didn't really matter, what did was the result. So my heart sank a bit deeper and I felt even more connected with people I've never met and knew nothing about.
I've started to find and read widow's and widower's blogs lately. I've browsed in the past, but none ever stuck with me. Now that I have come so far on my journey, I am curious how others have journeyed through healing and into a changed life. It's nice to find a happy ending once in a while.
--
I can't help but to leave with some of those memorable scenes from Robin Williams, may you rest in peace.
My Favorite Scence from Good Will Hunting
What Suicide Isn't... This is very well said.
http://m.blogher.com/what-suicide-isn-t-rip-robin-williams
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