You'd think that by now I would have posted about my incredible trip to France and some of the awesome views that I captured.
You'd think by now I would have updated on my happy and healthy relationship with John and how things are so wonderful that it puts France in the backseat.
You'd think by now with all of my self pep talks, insights, and feelings of peace and acceptance that I wouldn't be battling feelings that I didn't even know still existed within me. But, I am because I do. And it was actually Paris, France that triggered all of it.
Prior to our vacation, I had wondered if there was a proposal planned for the romantic getaway to France. I even started to think about the where and the when and all of that fun wedding planning stuff. That's where my head was at. But when we got to Paris, I just couldn't help but to think of Dale. The city is so grand and full of history, he would have loved it. To be honest, there isn't a day that goes by where he doesn't cross my mind. But this was different. I truly missed him and wished he could have been there to see all that I did. With accepting what had happened, I really hadn't gone there or had let myself go there in a very long time. And since I was there on my first getaway with John, it really threw me that I was having these feelings. Four days into our trip, when we were in Nice I found out the news of Robin Williams' suicide (which I have posted about) and that only added salt to the wound.
We returned from France the 16th of August, so it has been a month. In that month's time, I have had some very vivid and thought pondering dreams. Our brains are so extremely amazing. Each time that I have woken up from one of these dreams, I can completely make sense as to why I had it.
You'd think that with all of my conscious thinking that I wouldn't need my subconscious to battle my thoughts while I slept. But it has, and it's not the first in recent times that it has done so.
You'd think by now I would have updated on my happy and healthy relationship with John and how things are so wonderful that it puts France in the backseat.
You'd think by now with all of my self pep talks, insights, and feelings of peace and acceptance that I wouldn't be battling feelings that I didn't even know still existed within me. But, I am because I do. And it was actually Paris, France that triggered all of it.
Prior to our vacation, I had wondered if there was a proposal planned for the romantic getaway to France. I even started to think about the where and the when and all of that fun wedding planning stuff. That's where my head was at. But when we got to Paris, I just couldn't help but to think of Dale. The city is so grand and full of history, he would have loved it. To be honest, there isn't a day that goes by where he doesn't cross my mind. But this was different. I truly missed him and wished he could have been there to see all that I did. With accepting what had happened, I really hadn't gone there or had let myself go there in a very long time. And since I was there on my first getaway with John, it really threw me that I was having these feelings. Four days into our trip, when we were in Nice I found out the news of Robin Williams' suicide (which I have posted about) and that only added salt to the wound.
We returned from France the 16th of August, so it has been a month. In that month's time, I have had some very vivid and thought pondering dreams. Our brains are so extremely amazing. Each time that I have woken up from one of these dreams, I can completely make sense as to why I had it.
You'd think that with all of my conscious thinking that I wouldn't need my subconscious to battle my thoughts while I slept. But it has, and it's not the first in recent times that it has done so.
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