In those early months after Dale died, I felt in many ways as if I had put myself inside of a bubble. A bubble in which I could see out of, but one that protected me from the outside world. I was so raw and exposed, I needed some type of protection from the outside world so that I could focus solely on my own little world. During this time was when I decided that all I wanted to let in was the positives. My son who was only 20 months at that time was my greatest teacher in showing me how to truly appreciate and find beauty in the simplest of things. I also began this blog during that time and my focus then as it still mainly is now, is to find the silver lining in whatever is going on in my life. I also looked for other positives in movies, books, new found friendships, you name it and I was looking for that positive. I needed it. I didn't want to fall into the darkness because I was afraid of what would happen if I did.
Just weeks after Dale's death, I received a gift. It came from a friend of my sister's, a woman I had never met before. She knew of my story through my sister and out of concern and kindness, she sent this to me...
This quote started to mean more to me as time passed and I began to rebuild myself and my life. As I began to heal, I also began to grow stronger and more confident in myself. Eventually I found myself. However, it wasn't a new, reinvented version of myself. It was the person that I always was inside, just a stronger, wiser version of who I was always meant to be.
Before I found myself though, I found this...
When I saw this, I knew I wanted to have this to put on my wall to remind me of how I wanted to live my life. And for the most part, I believe that I do. I think what I have the most difficult time with is asking for what I need. I still feel uncomfortable asking for help. But it is something that I am getting better at and it is something that is going to be more prevalent in my day to day life now that John and I will be living together soon. He wants to help. He wants to take care of me. And as wonderful as that sounds, it's also going to require me to embrace vulnerability more. It's going to be an adjustment for me as I have wrapped myself up in a zone of doing it on my own. It makes me feel in control of my life and I like that. But John is wonderful and I trust him. And I will need to let it go, that control.
For nearly 3 years, I would have considered this blog my way of releasing my creative spirit. This summer, I decided that I really want to take up photography. It makes sense. It has been such an important part of my healing these past three years. I also feel like I have the personality of a photographer. I have not yet started this new passion. I am oozing to, but I just need to get everything else settled in my life right now. But I can't wait. :)
Finally, but perhaps most important...
In the midst of all of the sadness, guilt, and confusion, I had this.
These quotes of hope and inspiration have been on my walls for over three years. Today, I took them down. In exactly three weeks from today, John and I will have the keys to our home. So I took these down in preparation for the move. I took them down and packed them up. They will come with me to my new home and into my new life. However, I do not plan on putting them up back onto my walls. I no longer need these positive reminders. They have helped lead me to happiness and that is a place I do not on intend on ever losing.
Just weeks after Dale's death, I received a gift. It came from a friend of my sister's, a woman I had never met before. She knew of my story through my sister and out of concern and kindness, she sent this to me...
This quote started to mean more to me as time passed and I began to rebuild myself and my life. As I began to heal, I also began to grow stronger and more confident in myself. Eventually I found myself. However, it wasn't a new, reinvented version of myself. It was the person that I always was inside, just a stronger, wiser version of who I was always meant to be.
Before I found myself though, I found this...
When I saw this, I knew I wanted to have this to put on my wall to remind me of how I wanted to live my life. And for the most part, I believe that I do. I think what I have the most difficult time with is asking for what I need. I still feel uncomfortable asking for help. But it is something that I am getting better at and it is something that is going to be more prevalent in my day to day life now that John and I will be living together soon. He wants to help. He wants to take care of me. And as wonderful as that sounds, it's also going to require me to embrace vulnerability more. It's going to be an adjustment for me as I have wrapped myself up in a zone of doing it on my own. It makes me feel in control of my life and I like that. But John is wonderful and I trust him. And I will need to let it go, that control.
For nearly 3 years, I would have considered this blog my way of releasing my creative spirit. This summer, I decided that I really want to take up photography. It makes sense. It has been such an important part of my healing these past three years. I also feel like I have the personality of a photographer. I have not yet started this new passion. I am oozing to, but I just need to get everything else settled in my life right now. But I can't wait. :)
Finally, but perhaps most important...
In the midst of all of the sadness, guilt, and confusion, I had this.
These quotes of hope and inspiration have been on my walls for over three years. Today, I took them down. In exactly three weeks from today, John and I will have the keys to our home. So I took these down in preparation for the move. I took them down and packed them up. They will come with me to my new home and into my new life. However, I do not plan on putting them up back onto my walls. I no longer need these positive reminders. They have helped lead me to happiness and that is a place I do not on intend on ever losing.
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