A little more than three weeks ago I met a man online and since that time, we have met in person four times and have texted almost daily. Two weeks ago, after our first date, my impression of him was that he was kind and sweet and my word for him was warm. I have had two more dates with him since that time and I am sticking to my first impression... warm.
Although I have described him as sweet and kind, I wouldn't say that he is sappy nice. A nice guy yes, but I have associated the word "nice" when it has come to dating to good guys with no spark. He is not that. There is something edgy about him, not bad boy, but something that I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe its his confidence, not arrogance, but confidence that makes his sweet side that much more pronounced.
I enjoy being with him. When I am with him, I am with him in the moment and that is such a great place to be. This is new territory for me... not just seeing someone more than once, but being open to having a physical and emotional connection with another man. But he has made it easy and I am surprised at how easy it has been.
We have not spoken much about the circumstances surrounding my husband's death, but it's more than just that... I haven't shared who I was prior to that and how I have changed to become who I am today, the person that he is sitting next to. It's important for me to share who and why I am who I am and what that has caused me to think, believe, and want out of life. But I haven't, atleast not yet. However, from his responses and reactions to the little that I have said have caused me to believe that he has thought about this. Maybe its the polite and respectful thing for any man to do for any woman, but the pace of this relationship I feel is directly in my hands. He is flirty and I know that he has a strong attraction towards me. He has made that known, but he has also made it known that he understands that this is difficult for me nonetheless and I feel that I have the control as far as where, when and what happens to move this along.
Tomorrow, he will be coming over to my apartment. It's difficult to work around busy schedules and plan babysitting on top of that. He will be going out of town for a long weekend and I'd like to see him again before he leaves. I may not have many options to work with, but I am not hastily inviting this man into my home. This is such a personal and intimate event, one that I hadn't even considered to be until tonight. Inviting one into your home is inviting them into your life. You get a sense of who that person is without the facade, behind closed doors. Pictures, momentos, style, domestic skills, wealth... all can be looked at (and maybe assumed) from going into one's home. I have to admit thought that I am actually excited about it. I am not nervous or scared because I haven't felt that way with him at any other time.
In the past year and five months, I have counted and have been thankful for my many blessings. I have always felt that I was being taken care of, whether is was through the people that are in my life or just the convenience of the location of my apartment in relation to work and my son's day care. No matter the situation, I have felt this entire time, that I had what I needed for any particular moment. Even when I look back at the three other men that I had gone out with, The Fab Four, they each served a purpose and played their role well (sorry if that sounds insensitive, I don't mean it to). My point is, is that at this time in my life, I am ready to move on a bit more, a bit further and this man that I have met is the perfect person to do it with. He is warm, yes, but comfortable and I just like him. I don't know how I will feel about him in two weeks, two months, or anything beyond that. I don't know if he is the one, if he is my amazing. It doesn't even matter though because right now, he is the right one and I am looking forward to taking that next big step for me with him.
Although I have described him as sweet and kind, I wouldn't say that he is sappy nice. A nice guy yes, but I have associated the word "nice" when it has come to dating to good guys with no spark. He is not that. There is something edgy about him, not bad boy, but something that I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe its his confidence, not arrogance, but confidence that makes his sweet side that much more pronounced.
I enjoy being with him. When I am with him, I am with him in the moment and that is such a great place to be. This is new territory for me... not just seeing someone more than once, but being open to having a physical and emotional connection with another man. But he has made it easy and I am surprised at how easy it has been.
We have not spoken much about the circumstances surrounding my husband's death, but it's more than just that... I haven't shared who I was prior to that and how I have changed to become who I am today, the person that he is sitting next to. It's important for me to share who and why I am who I am and what that has caused me to think, believe, and want out of life. But I haven't, atleast not yet. However, from his responses and reactions to the little that I have said have caused me to believe that he has thought about this. Maybe its the polite and respectful thing for any man to do for any woman, but the pace of this relationship I feel is directly in my hands. He is flirty and I know that he has a strong attraction towards me. He has made that known, but he has also made it known that he understands that this is difficult for me nonetheless and I feel that I have the control as far as where, when and what happens to move this along.
Tomorrow, he will be coming over to my apartment. It's difficult to work around busy schedules and plan babysitting on top of that. He will be going out of town for a long weekend and I'd like to see him again before he leaves. I may not have many options to work with, but I am not hastily inviting this man into my home. This is such a personal and intimate event, one that I hadn't even considered to be until tonight. Inviting one into your home is inviting them into your life. You get a sense of who that person is without the facade, behind closed doors. Pictures, momentos, style, domestic skills, wealth... all can be looked at (and maybe assumed) from going into one's home. I have to admit thought that I am actually excited about it. I am not nervous or scared because I haven't felt that way with him at any other time.
In the past year and five months, I have counted and have been thankful for my many blessings. I have always felt that I was being taken care of, whether is was through the people that are in my life or just the convenience of the location of my apartment in relation to work and my son's day care. No matter the situation, I have felt this entire time, that I had what I needed for any particular moment. Even when I look back at the three other men that I had gone out with, The Fab Four, they each served a purpose and played their role well (sorry if that sounds insensitive, I don't mean it to). My point is, is that at this time in my life, I am ready to move on a bit more, a bit further and this man that I have met is the perfect person to do it with. He is warm, yes, but comfortable and I just like him. I don't know how I will feel about him in two weeks, two months, or anything beyond that. I don't know if he is the one, if he is my amazing. It doesn't even matter though because right now, he is the right one and I am looking forward to taking that next big step for me with him.
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