I feel as though I have so much to say, but nothing seems to be coming out. Fittingly enough, it's not just my words that are having a hard time surfacing, I have some feelings that I am confused about and don't completely understand either.
In my last posting, I shared with you how I had met a wonderful man. He is (still) everything that I had written in my last posting and even some more. When I am with him I feel happy and my mind does not wander. I don't feel any hesitations, it just feels good and right and I just go with it. He is the first that I have really welcomed into my life with a genuine excitement. However, that excitement has not been able to really surface beyond my own self. I have told my friends about him and I say that I really like him and leave it at that. I have told my parents that he is a really great guy and have left it at that. I have not even called my very best friend to share any of the details of what has been going on in the past couple of weeks... and I don't know why.
The way that I feel on the inside does not match the way that I am projecting on the outside. Of course I've thought (and thought and thought) about this, but I am still unsure of why this is so.
What I am sure of is that this is all about me. I definitely have some kind of mental block. What I am unable to determine is if I am in some sort of self preservation/protection mode or if I am just breaking down new barriers in moving on, or maybe a combination of the two. I was talking to my brother, of all people (lol), about this and he helped make me see that maybe I just have to be comfortable with the fact that life has and is moving on and that in living my life I have found someone who makes me happy. And that's okay. That's more than okay. Maybe he is right. Once I can truly accept that I have the right to find happiness and to move on living a happy life, then maybe that's when I can share my happiness with others.
Kinks... Everything is still a process. I can talk and prepare for what may come all I want, but I can't anticipate the feelings that will arise until I am actually experiencing them. Perhaps if I focus more on what I am actually experiencing and feeling they will help to smooth out those kinks, whatever they may be, all the quicker. I just want to be more aware of where they stem from so that I am dealing with them in a positive way. I don't want them to creep up on me and take away any piece of happiness or the wonderful feelings that I am having, they just feel too good.
In my last posting, I shared with you how I had met a wonderful man. He is (still) everything that I had written in my last posting and even some more. When I am with him I feel happy and my mind does not wander. I don't feel any hesitations, it just feels good and right and I just go with it. He is the first that I have really welcomed into my life with a genuine excitement. However, that excitement has not been able to really surface beyond my own self. I have told my friends about him and I say that I really like him and leave it at that. I have told my parents that he is a really great guy and have left it at that. I have not even called my very best friend to share any of the details of what has been going on in the past couple of weeks... and I don't know why.
The way that I feel on the inside does not match the way that I am projecting on the outside. Of course I've thought (and thought and thought) about this, but I am still unsure of why this is so.
What I am sure of is that this is all about me. I definitely have some kind of mental block. What I am unable to determine is if I am in some sort of self preservation/protection mode or if I am just breaking down new barriers in moving on, or maybe a combination of the two. I was talking to my brother, of all people (lol), about this and he helped make me see that maybe I just have to be comfortable with the fact that life has and is moving on and that in living my life I have found someone who makes me happy. And that's okay. That's more than okay. Maybe he is right. Once I can truly accept that I have the right to find happiness and to move on living a happy life, then maybe that's when I can share my happiness with others.
Kinks... Everything is still a process. I can talk and prepare for what may come all I want, but I can't anticipate the feelings that will arise until I am actually experiencing them. Perhaps if I focus more on what I am actually experiencing and feeling they will help to smooth out those kinks, whatever they may be, all the quicker. I just want to be more aware of where they stem from so that I am dealing with them in a positive way. I don't want them to creep up on me and take away any piece of happiness or the wonderful feelings that I am having, they just feel too good.
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