What is "lost"?

The dictionary definition of lost is, "unable to find one's way; not knowing one's whereabouts."  

When I use the term lost, my meaning is "the inability to find one's way due to the inability to recognize one's true self."  

I have looked at myself and my life as a giant puzzle.  All of the pieces were there, I just didn't quite know how to put them all together.  Which is absurd, right?  Puzzle pieces are designed to fit.  You just have to take the time to align them.  I didn't view my puzzle pieces as fitting though.  That's where the confusion set in.  What belonged?  What didn't?  Why didn't they fit?  And just when I felt like I had figured it all out, because I had felt complete and peaceful at different times in my life, something new entered my life and I felt like I had to take the puzzle apart and start over, instead of building upon what was already there.

You know what that is?  A weak foundation.  

(I actually do know now that I have a strong foundation.  It is a very strong foundation that has weathered many storms.  However, when you don't have a strong sense of self, you lack the ability to recognize what is sitting right in front of you, just like I lacked the ability to put the puzzle pieces together.  They were all there.  They have always been there.  Perception is key.  Identity is power.  Authenticity is bravery.

Not having a strong sense of self is not an attractive quality.  I am not going to beat myself up here, I am aware that I do possess many attractive qualities, but that just isn't wasn't one of them.  I can also imagine how frustrating it could be to be with and love someone who is unsure of themselves. I am positive that played a significantly negative role in my relationships.  Being wishy-washy with my identity made it easier to be a people pleaser because it is a breeding ground for a lack of boundaries.  I can now also see the type of people who are attracted to people like me like I used to be.)

Props that I do need to give to myself is that despite feeling "lost" for so much of my life, part of the reason I felt lost was because I was searching.  You don't feel lost if you don't go anywhere.  I have always been moving, learning, and growing.  But you don't know what you don't know.  There was so much that I didn't know about myself and who I was am and why I was am the way that I am.  It does make sense now.  The puzzle pieces fit and it is such a satisfying and empowering place to finally be.  But what a wild ride to get there!