Always Do Your Best

It's finally here, the last agreement, "Always Do Your Best."  It sounds so simple, routine.  I even have it posted on my classroom wall as one of my class expectations.  As it is this last agreement that fuels the first three.

"Always do your best, no more and no less."  We are multidimensional human beings.  We are composed of layers and everything around us is alive and changing constantly.  Our ability to do our best changes, even from one moment to the next.  Our health, moods, and feelings can all change and when they do, they directly effect the level that our best may be at in any particular moment.  But, as long as we are doing the best we can in that moment, that is all we can ask of ourselves.

"Doing your best, you are going to live your life intensely.  You are going to be productive, you are going to be good to yourself, because you will be giving yourself to your family, to your community, to everything.  But it is the actions that is going to make you feel intensely happy.  When you always do your best, you take action.  Doing your best is taking the actions because you love it, not because you expect a reward."
I found this section in this chapter thought provoking.  Way back when I wrote a few posts about finding what is right for you... as far as where you live, what you do, and who you share your life with.  If you are not living the life that is right for you, I find it hard for one to fully (wholeheartedly to the very core) commit to it.  If that is the case, how can you do your very best?  It would make it very easy to get caught up in the reward rather than doing it for the pure joy and love of it.

"When you do your best, you don't give the Judge (you are the judge) the opportunity to find you guilty or to blame you.  If you have done your best and the Judge tries to judge you according to your Book of Laws, you've got the answer, "I did my best."  There are no regrets... this agreement is really going to set you free."  This section is what really struck a chord with me.  Looking back on my life with my husband it is easy now to notice warning signs or red flags of issues that needed to be addressed.  It is so easy to get caught up in the "what ifs" and just the wonder of what could have been if only...  I made mistakes.  I can see how had I acted differently, perhaps a different result would have occurred, but perhaps maybe not.  However, that line of thinking is only beneficial to the me of the present and the future so that I don't repeat them.  That line of thinking does not change the past or help me to heal from it.  When I think of my actions, at any given moment, I am confident that they were tainted with love.  Pure love, because that is what I felt for my husband.  That knowledge leads me to believe that I did my very best for him, for me, for us, for our family.  I can honestly sit here and say that I have no regrets.  Yes, my mind does wander from time to time to those what ifs... but in those moments, knowing what I knew only then and feeling what I felt back then, I did do the best I could.  I also do not regret the love, the marriage, the life I had with my husband despite how traumatic it ended.  In those moments, I felt happy and I felt loved.  I can also accept and believe that my husband did his best too.  He was a good man.  His best was tainted with love, but it was also tainted with his sickness.  It was eventually that sickness that took over and instead of my husband being able to do his best, his best was to basically fight for mental survival.  I regret his final action for him.  But it was his decision, his action, not mine and I had to learn to accept that.

These 4 Agreements have had a profound effect on me.  When I read this book I was able to make so many connections to not only events that occurred in my life, but random thoughts that I have had throughout my life as well.  In some ways, this book helped to connect some of the dots and to help make sense of some loose ends.  When I have been successful at being impeccable with my word, with not taking things personally, in not making assumptions, and in doing my best... I do believe it if freeing.  I've felt a personal freedom that is extremely peaceful and joyous.  No, no... you will not see me on an infomercial, lol... For me and for me alone this has helped and if that sparks anyone's desire or interest, go for it!  If not... I won't take it personally, lol.

The 4 Agreements

In my quest to find myself, I had to let go and be completely honest with myself about who I am and what I value most to emulate in my everyday life.  In January, when I began The Happiness Project, I listed some words of wisdom and of encouragement as to what I believed was important.  This list came from who I was to a degree, but more than that, the type of person that I wanted to strive to be.

Not too long ago, I came across "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz who wrote his book based on "ancient Toltec wisdom".    These four agreements are meant to help one to live with more integrity, self awareness, and peace.  You may understand why this caught my attention.  I do not plan on making these four agreements my motto to live by.  However, I do see value in them and can see how attempting to live by them could potentially make one's life happier.

So without further ado,

The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

***

I do not plan on giving updates on how I am doing with each of these agreements.  However, I may mention them from time to time.  Right now, I would like to write about the first agreement and its importance to me in this moment.  

One of my own "commandments" is share your thoughts with tact and dignity.  This has been something that I have tried very hard to do in these past few months.  I have always been an very private person.  I have always been a very shy person as well.  I have seen first hand how important it is to share your thoughts whether they be personal, work related, happy, or sad.  Everyone's thoughts hold value.  How one presents themselves shows their worth.  So, I have stepped out of my box and have begun to share both my inner deep thoughts and more trivial ones as well.  However, no matter the thought, I have truly tried to share them in a classy way, with tact and dignity.  

It is my hope to continue to do just that.  It is also my hope that I present myself in that manner on this blog.  It is important to me to be impeccable with my words during the next couple of weeks as I reflect back and relive the life and the loss with my husband.  I hope that what I do share will be said with such grace so that it will only honor his memory.