Being exposed goes far beyond taking off one's clothes. It's sharing your true self all the way down to the very core. No bells. No whistles. Just you as you are.
It has been two weeks since I posted "Exposed" and my desire to share parts of my past with this man with whom I am beginning to let myself look just a bit ahead into the future with. It has taken this long not because of my own procrastination, but because of a little something that got in the way, life. In this case it was more so his than mine, but it only gave him another story to share which seemed to open the gates and make my own past that much easier to tell.
Part of my struggle which prevented me from sharing sooner was deciding where to begin and how much do I share as far as details go. I decided to start with how he died and backed up a few months to share some the events that happened which led to the tragic ending. As far a details went, I didn't get very specific mainly because I felt like I didn't have to. He just listened and understood. I wasn'tsure of how my words come out, but they did. I felt so comfortable talking and sharing my heartbreaking story with him as if he were an old friend. When I was done, he hugged me and asked me if I felt better for having had shared with him. And I did. But even as I spoke, I could feel the heaviness dissipate as it changed from sharing a tragic tale to just sharing me. That's me. That's my life.
I have worked very hard to deal with, accept, and put to peace all that had happened. He was the first person that I have shared myself with in that way in over a year. And I think that I have come a long way. But just as important was the receiving end. He makes me feel completely accepted and safe in sharing myself, not just the past stories but all of me... cheesy dork and all. That means more than I can possibly express. And while I am beginning to look into the future (weeks) with him and I am enjoying each moment as they come as he has remained exactly what I need in the present. And for that I truly thank him.
It has been two weeks since I posted "Exposed" and my desire to share parts of my past with this man with whom I am beginning to let myself look just a bit ahead into the future with. It has taken this long not because of my own procrastination, but because of a little something that got in the way, life. In this case it was more so his than mine, but it only gave him another story to share which seemed to open the gates and make my own past that much easier to tell.
Part of my struggle which prevented me from sharing sooner was deciding where to begin and how much do I share as far as details go. I decided to start with how he died and backed up a few months to share some the events that happened which led to the tragic ending. As far a details went, I didn't get very specific mainly because I felt like I didn't have to. He just listened and understood. I wasn'tsure of how my words come out, but they did. I felt so comfortable talking and sharing my heartbreaking story with him as if he were an old friend. When I was done, he hugged me and asked me if I felt better for having had shared with him. And I did. But even as I spoke, I could feel the heaviness dissipate as it changed from sharing a tragic tale to just sharing me. That's me. That's my life.
I have worked very hard to deal with, accept, and put to peace all that had happened. He was the first person that I have shared myself with in that way in over a year. And I think that I have come a long way. But just as important was the receiving end. He makes me feel completely accepted and safe in sharing myself, not just the past stories but all of me... cheesy dork and all. That means more than I can possibly express. And while I am beginning to look into the future (weeks) with him and I am enjoying each moment as they come as he has remained exactly what I need in the present. And for that I truly thank him.
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