Sunday, May 4, 2014

One Last Time

When I stumbled upon my word evanescent for my last post, I learned something new.  I honestly didn't know what that word meant and I only remember ever hearing the word evanescence as in the band.  So not only did evanescent provide me with the perfect word that I was looking for to describe my three year moment in time, it also led to me revisit some old songs from the past. 

My Immortal... I remember that song came out when I had first moved to Virginia.  I had forgotten how beautiful and sad it is.  Ten years ago, I didn't know of such sadness.  I didn't understand.  Now I do.  I understand completely.

I have been struggling with letting go lately.  I have shed so much of the attachments that I had with/to/for Dale in the past three years that I really do feel that what I have left are the deep rooted attachments.  They are the ones that touch the very core and allows two people to connect.  I have kept these hidden and safe for probably more years than he has been gone.  They are what kept me with him for the many years before the last.  It was and what is the part that reminds me without a doubt that I have no regrets and that my life with him was not only worth it but was meant to be.

But, my life with him is over.  Those connections have no reciprocation. And for reasons of sadness, guilt, grief, and fear... I have yet to let go.  Even though I know that letting this go will not erase Dale and all of the wonderful memories that I did have with him, I still am holding on.  And I need to let go.  Perhaps this one last time...





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