For the past three years, I have spent an enormous amount of time and thought trying to make sense of everything. I've thought about the events in my life. I've thought about the people in my life. I've thought about myself and my actions and reactions to all of the outside stimuli that have somehow entered into my own little world in some way. And it all makes sense. It fits. I can see my life as a sequence of events that have built upon one another. As time moved on and I changed and evolved, so did the situations that I found myself in. I have been an active participant in my life and I can see how so much of how my life is at this moment is because of the choices that I made. I created the life that I am living and that knowledge is both invigorating and powerful.
The other day though I came across a blog post that was shared on Facebook. It was written by a mother to her daughter, a middle child. Being a middle child myself and being one who sometimes played that card, I was curious, so I read, "A Letter of Apology to My Middle Child." I couldn't help but to get teary eyed as I read it. It was the part about finding yourself that really resonated with me. I was/am stuck between an older sister and a younger brother. However, it was having an older sister, with whom I was naturally similar to, that really made it difficult for me to find and define myself. Many of the things that came naturally to her, I had to work hard at. That instilled in me a desire to never want to be less or to disappoint especially when it was in something that we both did. Then there was that part of me that tried to do different things just for the sake that they were different, different from her. I can remember to this day how mad I was that she changed her major her junior year to teaching just after I declared my future major to be teaching. I wanted that. I didn't want to be following in her footsteps as I felt I did for so much of my life. It was hard to find myself and I can't say that I really did, atleast not in high school. And, I met Dale two months into my first semester my freshman year in college...
Why I was the way I was for the 32 years (prior to the last three years that have made complete sense to me) makes sense too. I had a great childhood. My parents were present and loving. But I'm sure my mom felt alot like the mother who wrote that post. Three kids, a house, a husband, a job... it's tough. I know that my parents did the best that they could. I am not blaming them, or my sister. She was/is a great older sister/role model to have. I think the kicker here is perception. And it was mine. It was how I perceived things to be. That perception was powerful and it helped to mold and to create me into who I was back then.
Now, I'd like to say that it is something far more profound than perception that has created the me of today. However, can we ever escape our own perceptions? I don't think we can. I feel comfortable saying that it is my perception that has now changed. I do see the world differently. And unlike before, I am looking at the big picture. Twenty years ago, I was a child. My world back then was what was right in front of me, within the walls of the small box that I lived in. And when you are confined to a small area, you may not see the opportunities, the choices, the power and the freedom that you have in living your life. They may seem too far out of that comfort zone and out of reach.
That's part of growing up... to grow and expand that box. You need to experience different things, take some risks, and follow your heart. That's what will help you to become whom you were meant to be. And when you do find yourself, that's when everything will fall into place and it will all make sense.
It's a great place to be. :)
(Terrible title, I know, lol)
The other day though I came across a blog post that was shared on Facebook. It was written by a mother to her daughter, a middle child. Being a middle child myself and being one who sometimes played that card, I was curious, so I read, "A Letter of Apology to My Middle Child." I couldn't help but to get teary eyed as I read it. It was the part about finding yourself that really resonated with me. I was/am stuck between an older sister and a younger brother. However, it was having an older sister, with whom I was naturally similar to, that really made it difficult for me to find and define myself. Many of the things that came naturally to her, I had to work hard at. That instilled in me a desire to never want to be less or to disappoint especially when it was in something that we both did. Then there was that part of me that tried to do different things just for the sake that they were different, different from her. I can remember to this day how mad I was that she changed her major her junior year to teaching just after I declared my future major to be teaching. I wanted that. I didn't want to be following in her footsteps as I felt I did for so much of my life. It was hard to find myself and I can't say that I really did, atleast not in high school. And, I met Dale two months into my first semester my freshman year in college...
Why I was the way I was for the 32 years (prior to the last three years that have made complete sense to me) makes sense too. I had a great childhood. My parents were present and loving. But I'm sure my mom felt alot like the mother who wrote that post. Three kids, a house, a husband, a job... it's tough. I know that my parents did the best that they could. I am not blaming them, or my sister. She was/is a great older sister/role model to have. I think the kicker here is perception. And it was mine. It was how I perceived things to be. That perception was powerful and it helped to mold and to create me into who I was back then.
Now, I'd like to say that it is something far more profound than perception that has created the me of today. However, can we ever escape our own perceptions? I don't think we can. I feel comfortable saying that it is my perception that has now changed. I do see the world differently. And unlike before, I am looking at the big picture. Twenty years ago, I was a child. My world back then was what was right in front of me, within the walls of the small box that I lived in. And when you are confined to a small area, you may not see the opportunities, the choices, the power and the freedom that you have in living your life. They may seem too far out of that comfort zone and out of reach.
That's part of growing up... to grow and expand that box. You need to experience different things, take some risks, and follow your heart. That's what will help you to become whom you were meant to be. And when you do find yourself, that's when everything will fall into place and it will all make sense.
It's a great place to be. :)
(Terrible title, I know, lol)
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