For some time now I have had the nagging feeling that there is something more out there for me to be doing. What I have been struggling with is determining what in fact that is.
I thought perhaps that I was in need of a change in my job. This is now my 14th year teaching (WOW!) and prior to moving to NYC I had taught in three different school for two years each. Although each a challenge in its own way, I loved those schools and was happy in each of them. It was other factors in my life that made me move so often. Here in NYC for the past 7+ years, it has been the opposite. I never ever thought that I would still be at the same school that I started in because I have never been truly happy there. It was never my intention to stay there. After my first year, I applied elsewhere. I decided to stay however because I was given the opportunity to obtain my permanent teaching license if I completed a master's program within a year. So, I took that option and challenge. Staying where I was made the most sense and made a very busy year just a bit easier, so I stayed put.
Completing my master's would give me some more opportunities to expand my marketability as well as alleviate the pressure of knowing that at some point I had to complete it anyways. However, I finished my master's literally weeks before my son was born. My son was born in September, not the most ideal time for a teacher to start at a new school, so again I stayed at my school. However, my master's did grant me the opportunity to take the newly opened technology teacher position at my school that year. The change was a welcome and a blessing in many ways.
Only twenty months after my son was born, Dale died. And for the past three years, I have tried to keep the changes in our lives to a minimum. My job was a constant... it was a part of my life that I did not have to start all over again, and for that, I was thankful. Again, I stayed.
In the past three years, although I was not ready to make a change job-wise, I did look for other avenues. I looked for part-time jobs and I looked for freelance curriculum writing jobs. It wasn't about the money, it was about a new change and a new challenge to spark that side of me. However, I never found a fit.
This past summer I actually decided to apply for a different position within my school district. It was something completely different from teaching. It was a peer observing position. During the application process what I realized was that everything that I felt made me a good candidate came from things that I accomplished in my first six years of teaching, prior to coming to NYC. Needless to say I did not even get called for an interview and what I was left with was a low feeling of what I already knew and what I feel so strongly in that I need a change.
What I know right now is that I still enjoy teaching. I work hard, enjoy the students, and am effective at what I do in the classroom. I know that right now is still not the time to make a change, again. So I have tried to challenge myself by trying new methods and projects with my students. That along with a few other tactics have made me content in my classroom for the time being and that allowed me to come to a different conclusion...
What I want to change doesn't necessarily stem from the career side of me. However, I know that it doesn't categorize with me in my role as mom, partner, or friend. It is also more than just a hobby as well. I have a difficult time doing things that do not serve a purpose. (Perhaps that's the introvert part of me.) So, why did I go into such lengths and details about my job if this is not about a job or career change?
It's about what's looking right at me and making decisions based on the choices that I have made which have led me to where I am and the options that lay before me. My life is set up in a wonderful way and my job plays such a critical role in that. I live and work so closely to one another. And even thought I am antsy and feel the need for a change, what I was overlooking for so long was the opportunity that I was given with time. Being a mother and being in a new relationship is time consuming. That time is precious and it is time that I am not willing to give up. However, I do have time because of the comfort that I have in my job. Time that I can use to fill up that need to do more.
I left my last post sharing my feelings of being at a crossroad. This is where and why I feel that way. For months now I have felt this way and even though I am not certain where the path will take me. I feel as though I have an inspiration to get me started.
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