Today was a quiet day. I knew this day was Father's Day. I had sent out cards to the grandfathers earlier this week. I spoke to my own father today. But outside of that, it didn't feel like a Father's Day. It felt like a typical Sunday, but it felt quieter. There was not an overwhelming amount of sadness felt, like last year, but there was just a feeling of quietness.
Today my son and I kept it low key. We went out for lunch at a nearby cafe. After lunch we went to the park to feed the ducks and swans. We also ran up and down a hill (huff...puff, repeatedly) and played a little bit of soccer.
In keeping with the tradition that we began last year, we did plant flower seeds today in memory of my husband. We will care for them until they grow strong enough and hopefully until they bloom. Then we will take them to the cemetery and plant them at his site. Last year, I did not take my son to plant the flowers that we grew for his father. This year, I do plan on taking him. I will tell him that we are planting flowers for daddy in a special place to remember him.
I also came up with an idea just today that I think will also become a tradition, making a Father's Day book. I have written so much in this past year, but all of the writing has been done (obviously) from my perspective. This book is going to be told from my son's perspective where he will have the opportunity to tell his father everything that he has done in the past year. Since he is presently only 2, this first book will be created mainly by me, but my son has so much to say and so much personality that it will be both fun and easy to imagine what he might say if he were creating the book himself. As time goes on, he will be able to contribute more and more until eventually (I hope) he will be able to do this on his own. I feel like this would be a great opportunity for my son to stay connected with his father.
I even found a website that can publish this book (in a variety of styles and sizes) for a very reasonable amount. It is called Blurb (www.blurb.com). I am excited about this because I think a published book will be a keepsake that will better withstand time as I not only would like to save these for my son, but I also want to read them with my son as much as he would like to read them.
We concluded our day by watching a short video clip of my son playing with his father. (My son is all smiles and giggles in this video. This seems to be my son's overall disposition. However, it always felt like a special time when he was acting this way with his father. I honestly felt that way in that moment, not just looking back at it now.) It brought about lots of smiles and giggles from my son today as he watched it and we had to watch in numerous times. He did ask me where daddy was and for the first time, I didn't say he was in Heaven. I told him that daddy was dead and that meant that we cannot see him anymore, only in pictures and movies. I know that is a bit too much for him to comprehend, but I recently read to use the word "dead" even at this age so that it becomes a term he is familiarized with and it won't sting as harshly when he is old enough to comprehend.
For me, his smiles and giggles are enough to soften any situation as his happiness means everything. As for today, I feel as if the quietness filled in for his absence rather than it was quiet because of his absence. I'm not quite sure how to explain that one though.
Today my son and I kept it low key. We went out for lunch at a nearby cafe. After lunch we went to the park to feed the ducks and swans. We also ran up and down a hill (huff...puff, repeatedly) and played a little bit of soccer.
In keeping with the tradition that we began last year, we did plant flower seeds today in memory of my husband. We will care for them until they grow strong enough and hopefully until they bloom. Then we will take them to the cemetery and plant them at his site. Last year, I did not take my son to plant the flowers that we grew for his father. This year, I do plan on taking him. I will tell him that we are planting flowers for daddy in a special place to remember him.
I also came up with an idea just today that I think will also become a tradition, making a Father's Day book. I have written so much in this past year, but all of the writing has been done (obviously) from my perspective. This book is going to be told from my son's perspective where he will have the opportunity to tell his father everything that he has done in the past year. Since he is presently only 2, this first book will be created mainly by me, but my son has so much to say and so much personality that it will be both fun and easy to imagine what he might say if he were creating the book himself. As time goes on, he will be able to contribute more and more until eventually (I hope) he will be able to do this on his own. I feel like this would be a great opportunity for my son to stay connected with his father.
I even found a website that can publish this book (in a variety of styles and sizes) for a very reasonable amount. It is called Blurb (www.blurb.com). I am excited about this because I think a published book will be a keepsake that will better withstand time as I not only would like to save these for my son, but I also want to read them with my son as much as he would like to read them.
We concluded our day by watching a short video clip of my son playing with his father. (My son is all smiles and giggles in this video. This seems to be my son's overall disposition. However, it always felt like a special time when he was acting this way with his father. I honestly felt that way in that moment, not just looking back at it now.) It brought about lots of smiles and giggles from my son today as he watched it and we had to watch in numerous times. He did ask me where daddy was and for the first time, I didn't say he was in Heaven. I told him that daddy was dead and that meant that we cannot see him anymore, only in pictures and movies. I know that is a bit too much for him to comprehend, but I recently read to use the word "dead" even at this age so that it becomes a term he is familiarized with and it won't sting as harshly when he is old enough to comprehend.
For me, his smiles and giggles are enough to soften any situation as his happiness means everything. As for today, I feel as if the quietness filled in for his absence rather than it was quiet because of his absence. I'm not quite sure how to explain that one though.
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