A single stalk of straw seems so minute, so insignificant. However, as the well-known saying goes, "It is the last straw that breaks the camels back," it's a reminder that even little things can add up to be too much.
I feel like a camel right now. I am exhausted. There's been a lot going on and I feel as if I'm reaching my limit as to how much I can take. I've even been complaining, which I don't usually do. So I know that things have really gotten to me. But, I'm tired of it. So I am going to use this forum to vent(hopefully) one last time and to add a silver lining (also hopefully).
I think that the month of May took its toll on me mentally. It was a tough month to get through having been the month that marked one year had passed since my husband's death. It mentally drained me. Then eight days after the anniversary date, my dog died as well. Although he had cancer, it hadn't spread and it was unexpected. It was hard to take in.
On the last day of May, one thing that I had been looking so forward to was the arrival of my artwork, Brilliant. I posted how it arrived damaged. It has been almost a month since this piece arrived and it still has not been completely settled. It turned into a big fiasco. Up until about a few days ago, I wasn't really sure how this was all going to play out. Part of me knew I'd either get a replacement or a refund, but there's was another part that couldn't settle because I hadnt' been told anything definite and I had paid so much for this piece. (This is a posting all on its own!) So it caused me a great deal of unnecessary worry and stress. The silver lining: I will be getting refunded for this piece. A potential extra silver lining: I have been "chatting" with an extremely handsome man online who's background is in art history and auctions art, hmmm..... :)
My husband comes from a family that suffers from mental illness. I am not going to elaborate too much on this one. However, it has been extremely difficult to keep my face in the sun when I have contact with them. There is a dark cloud that lingers and I am struggling with finding the right balance of keeping my son in the sun and allowing him the opportunity to know his father's family and his father through his family. This is an extremely difficult situation and one where I am yet to find a silver lining.
This past Thursday, I locked myself out of my apartment. I have done this about 4-5 times this past year. Every time that I have done this, I have been overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed with all of the above, and with work. This is a busy time for me as I create multiple slide shows for three graduation ceremonies at my school. As much as I prepare ahead of time, there's always last minute changes, etc. which puts me in a time crunch. Thursday, I was headed straight to the graduation when I locked myself out at 7:30 am (and my neighbor was still asleep). The silver lining: I live close enough to the subway and had a colleague's phone number to call so that I got to work quickly and stopped the other's from leaving without me. All of the graduations are done and on the technical aspect, all went smooth. I also told my neighbor that my husband had passed away (he never asked last year when I gave him my keys and I never told). He thought he was in the military and was deployed. He was shocked and sympathetic and I actually felt good to tell him the truth.
Friday, I got a flat tire. I had to buy a new one. The silver lining: I got the flat as I was parking, not driving. I did get a good parking spot. And, the one male teacher at my school put the spare on for me and it stopped raining just in time for him to do so.
By this point, I had to just laugh. Really!?!
So I am tired. But I am tired of being tired. "Relax, take a deep breath, and smile." That is the message I left tonight on my kitchen board for myself to read in the morning. I had very little control over all of the events that I have written about, but what I do have control over is myself. I control the decisions that I make and the reactions that I have to certain events. So, I am going to wake up early tomorrow morning, read my message, make fresh blueberry pancakes for breakfast and go from there.
I feel like a camel right now. I am exhausted. There's been a lot going on and I feel as if I'm reaching my limit as to how much I can take. I've even been complaining, which I don't usually do. So I know that things have really gotten to me. But, I'm tired of it. So I am going to use this forum to vent(hopefully) one last time and to add a silver lining (also hopefully).
I think that the month of May took its toll on me mentally. It was a tough month to get through having been the month that marked one year had passed since my husband's death. It mentally drained me. Then eight days after the anniversary date, my dog died as well. Although he had cancer, it hadn't spread and it was unexpected. It was hard to take in.
On the last day of May, one thing that I had been looking so forward to was the arrival of my artwork, Brilliant. I posted how it arrived damaged. It has been almost a month since this piece arrived and it still has not been completely settled. It turned into a big fiasco. Up until about a few days ago, I wasn't really sure how this was all going to play out. Part of me knew I'd either get a replacement or a refund, but there's was another part that couldn't settle because I hadnt' been told anything definite and I had paid so much for this piece. (This is a posting all on its own!) So it caused me a great deal of unnecessary worry and stress. The silver lining: I will be getting refunded for this piece. A potential extra silver lining: I have been "chatting" with an extremely handsome man online who's background is in art history and auctions art, hmmm..... :)
My husband comes from a family that suffers from mental illness. I am not going to elaborate too much on this one. However, it has been extremely difficult to keep my face in the sun when I have contact with them. There is a dark cloud that lingers and I am struggling with finding the right balance of keeping my son in the sun and allowing him the opportunity to know his father's family and his father through his family. This is an extremely difficult situation and one where I am yet to find a silver lining.
This past Thursday, I locked myself out of my apartment. I have done this about 4-5 times this past year. Every time that I have done this, I have been overwhelmed. I have been overwhelmed with all of the above, and with work. This is a busy time for me as I create multiple slide shows for three graduation ceremonies at my school. As much as I prepare ahead of time, there's always last minute changes, etc. which puts me in a time crunch. Thursday, I was headed straight to the graduation when I locked myself out at 7:30 am (and my neighbor was still asleep). The silver lining: I live close enough to the subway and had a colleague's phone number to call so that I got to work quickly and stopped the other's from leaving without me. All of the graduations are done and on the technical aspect, all went smooth. I also told my neighbor that my husband had passed away (he never asked last year when I gave him my keys and I never told). He thought he was in the military and was deployed. He was shocked and sympathetic and I actually felt good to tell him the truth.
Friday, I got a flat tire. I had to buy a new one. The silver lining: I got the flat as I was parking, not driving. I did get a good parking spot. And, the one male teacher at my school put the spare on for me and it stopped raining just in time for him to do so.
By this point, I had to just laugh. Really!?!
So I am tired. But I am tired of being tired. "Relax, take a deep breath, and smile." That is the message I left tonight on my kitchen board for myself to read in the morning. I had very little control over all of the events that I have written about, but what I do have control over is myself. I control the decisions that I make and the reactions that I have to certain events. So, I am going to wake up early tomorrow morning, read my message, make fresh blueberry pancakes for breakfast and go from there.
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