I'm a thinker. I think and analyze way too much. However, one of the positives of thinking as I do is that I feel that I am quite self aware. So I can comfortably say that in the past, my mind was in overdrive because I was trying to make sense of things... my situation, my life. I never really found any answers, so my mind kept searching more and more.
I have learned that in order to find those answers and to thus put my mind at ease, I need to ask questions. I need to surrender pride, nut up and ask questions no matter how hard they may be. Not only that, but I cannot fear the answer either. I also learned that I just need to talk to people. Not necessarily in the form of asking questions, but just talking... discussing, communicating, and learning. If I had done more of this in the past, I would have made less assumptions and gained more truths. With that, I could have used what I knew to be true to put my mind at ease one way or the other.
When my husband first passed away, my mind was occupied with so many questions. I needed to understand what had happened and I needed closure. However, he took that knowledge with him. It took me about 9 months to fully accept all that had happened. It was extremely difficult as I had to make sense of everything based on memories, stories shared by others, and my own gut instincts. However, when I reached that point, I found peace. I truly did and it was wonderful. That's not to say that I don't ever think what could have been or find myself wondering. I just can pull myself back in and assure myself with what I have accepted to be my truth. This process has helped me to heal tremendously. This process has also put my mind at ease and I have found how freeing that is. I didn't worry about things. I felt in the moment and I was happy.
My mind has been wandering again. There are things that are bothering me and I know that again my mind is in overdrive trying to make sense of everything. This time around, I am asking questions. I am talking to the people that I trust most to get their perspectives and insights. I am also reading and what I have surprisingly found myself to be reading are very spiritual books. Not religious, although there are some references to all of the major religions, but those that touch the human spirit, what makes us alive.
Last year was about healing... accepting what happened, adjusting to the changes in my life, finding myself and taking each day one at a time with my son at my side. I think that I am in a good place right now. However, the wheels are turning and its time to move on from good to great. I feel that I was an already humble person who was humbled even more so by the events that took place in my life. What do you do with that? I think the next step is to move beyond the comforts of what is and to find out what more is out there. My new journey...
I have learned that in order to find those answers and to thus put my mind at ease, I need to ask questions. I need to surrender pride, nut up and ask questions no matter how hard they may be. Not only that, but I cannot fear the answer either. I also learned that I just need to talk to people. Not necessarily in the form of asking questions, but just talking... discussing, communicating, and learning. If I had done more of this in the past, I would have made less assumptions and gained more truths. With that, I could have used what I knew to be true to put my mind at ease one way or the other.
When my husband first passed away, my mind was occupied with so many questions. I needed to understand what had happened and I needed closure. However, he took that knowledge with him. It took me about 9 months to fully accept all that had happened. It was extremely difficult as I had to make sense of everything based on memories, stories shared by others, and my own gut instincts. However, when I reached that point, I found peace. I truly did and it was wonderful. That's not to say that I don't ever think what could have been or find myself wondering. I just can pull myself back in and assure myself with what I have accepted to be my truth. This process has helped me to heal tremendously. This process has also put my mind at ease and I have found how freeing that is. I didn't worry about things. I felt in the moment and I was happy.
My mind has been wandering again. There are things that are bothering me and I know that again my mind is in overdrive trying to make sense of everything. This time around, I am asking questions. I am talking to the people that I trust most to get their perspectives and insights. I am also reading and what I have surprisingly found myself to be reading are very spiritual books. Not religious, although there are some references to all of the major religions, but those that touch the human spirit, what makes us alive.
Last year was about healing... accepting what happened, adjusting to the changes in my life, finding myself and taking each day one at a time with my son at my side. I think that I am in a good place right now. However, the wheels are turning and its time to move on from good to great. I feel that I was an already humble person who was humbled even more so by the events that took place in my life. What do you do with that? I think the next step is to move beyond the comforts of what is and to find out what more is out there. My new journey...
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