Six months ago, I wrote about a man that I met online (Baggage) who was also widowed. His story is one that would pull on your heartstrings and it is hard to not admire someone who was able to pick themselves up and move on in a positive way as he did. I never ended up meeting this man and that's okay. Either the timing wasn't right or he wasn't right.
Last week I met another man online who also went through his own hell. I felt a connection with him, not because we shared a similar experience but because I felt that he possessed an understanding that even I can't fully grasp. After just a few e-mail exchanges, he like many others asked what happened to my husband. However, with him, I felt that he wasn't asking to be nosey. He assumed it was a profound experience at the very least and asked so as not to make any assumptions. And what I gave him was the truth. It was the first time that I shared it with anyone that I met and it was also the first time having to tell anyone in a real long time. I felt comfortable sharing this with him, because I felt for some reason that he just "got it."
And he did. He understood in a way that I was not expecting.
This man was a recovered alcoholic and had been for nearly ten years. I don't know the details (just as I didn't share all of my details) of how or why. He did share his epiphany moment, when he contemplated suicide. He had come to realization that he had two choices... to stop drinking or to stop altogether. He chose life.
I read his story and felt a connection and admiration for him, for the strength and courage it must have taken him to find his way out of his hole. I also felt frightened. Extremely frightened. I knew very little about him and knew nothing of the circumstances for his addiction. But the thought of subjecting myself to someone who seriously considered taking his own life...
At this same time last week, I was also chatting with a man who all of a sudden became very clingy. I hadn't met him. We shared no personal stories nor made any real connections, yet he spoke to me and of me in a way that seemed very possessive. That was frightening. Funny how things work out sometimes because comparing this clingy, possessive man to the first man I described above, the latter is even more frightening and I politely said good bye.
Even though I was afraid of the unknown with the first man, I decided to take what I learned from reading books such as The Alchemist and The Four Agreements and to not live in fear nor let it control me. He saw in a me an understanding and an appreciation for life that I think he also shares but we probably both gained these through our experiences. How could I judge him or fear him when I knew so little. Ask questions, gain knowledge, then decide. Besides, one of my own "commandments" from The Happiness Project is "If you always choose the rational, you may miss out on the extraordinary." I want to actively practice and to live out all of these affirmations, agreements, whatever you want to call them. I don't want to live the confining life of a victim.
So, I didn't run. I actually continued to exchange words with this man and shared even more with him. Lol... I think we had "a moment" and it came and went. I haven't heard from him in a while. Online dating, you just never know which way the wind is going to blow. But I think I gained something valuable from him regardless.
Last week I met another man online who also went through his own hell. I felt a connection with him, not because we shared a similar experience but because I felt that he possessed an understanding that even I can't fully grasp. After just a few e-mail exchanges, he like many others asked what happened to my husband. However, with him, I felt that he wasn't asking to be nosey. He assumed it was a profound experience at the very least and asked so as not to make any assumptions. And what I gave him was the truth. It was the first time that I shared it with anyone that I met and it was also the first time having to tell anyone in a real long time. I felt comfortable sharing this with him, because I felt for some reason that he just "got it."
And he did. He understood in a way that I was not expecting.
This man was a recovered alcoholic and had been for nearly ten years. I don't know the details (just as I didn't share all of my details) of how or why. He did share his epiphany moment, when he contemplated suicide. He had come to realization that he had two choices... to stop drinking or to stop altogether. He chose life.
I read his story and felt a connection and admiration for him, for the strength and courage it must have taken him to find his way out of his hole. I also felt frightened. Extremely frightened. I knew very little about him and knew nothing of the circumstances for his addiction. But the thought of subjecting myself to someone who seriously considered taking his own life...
At this same time last week, I was also chatting with a man who all of a sudden became very clingy. I hadn't met him. We shared no personal stories nor made any real connections, yet he spoke to me and of me in a way that seemed very possessive. That was frightening. Funny how things work out sometimes because comparing this clingy, possessive man to the first man I described above, the latter is even more frightening and I politely said good bye.
Even though I was afraid of the unknown with the first man, I decided to take what I learned from reading books such as The Alchemist and The Four Agreements and to not live in fear nor let it control me. He saw in a me an understanding and an appreciation for life that I think he also shares but we probably both gained these through our experiences. How could I judge him or fear him when I knew so little. Ask questions, gain knowledge, then decide. Besides, one of my own "commandments" from The Happiness Project is "If you always choose the rational, you may miss out on the extraordinary." I want to actively practice and to live out all of these affirmations, agreements, whatever you want to call them. I don't want to live the confining life of a victim.
So, I didn't run. I actually continued to exchange words with this man and shared even more with him. Lol... I think we had "a moment" and it came and went. I haven't heard from him in a while. Online dating, you just never know which way the wind is going to blow. But I think I gained something valuable from him regardless.
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