There are only four agreements, but the time it is taking me to get through all of them makes it seem as if there are 40, lol. Although I am back into the routine of being back to work, there are new phases and things going on in the everyday that I am not settling into as quickly as I'd like. So, my time for blogging has suffered a bit. But anyhoo...
The third of the four agreements is, "Don't Make Assumptions." When we make an assumption, we believe that what we are assuming is real. When we do that, we take things personally (see Agreement #2) and we end up creating a whole lotta drama. This drama can be painful and it can be poisonous and it is created because of misunderstandings... Misunderstandings that can be prevented if we have the courage just ask questions, no matter how hard they may be to ask. Without the reality of the truth, we can only see what we want to see and only hear what we want to hear.
In a relationship, it is easy for one to assume that the partner should know what he or she wants and needs. Even after many years in a relationship, needs and wants change and it is up to us as individuals to make sure that the door of communication is open and that we are sharing what it is that we need and want in that moment. It is our responsibility to do just that, not our partner's. Their responsibility is to make sure they are communicating just the same to us. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but everyone also has the right to ask as well.
It is in this chapter that the author writes of acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves, our partners, and our situations... to be open to their realities, not closed off in denial. We cannot change other people. No amount of love can make a person change. Change is something that must come from within. At the same time, if we are with someone that we want to change or if we are with someone who wants to change us, that is not pure love.
In my marriage, I think that my husband and I were both guilty of making too many assumptions. I am not sure which came first the breakdown of communication or the assumptions made. But either way they fed one another. After he passed, I was also left with so many questions, questions that I was always afraid to ask. I didn't assume their answers, but what I assumed was that just asking would cause my husband pain and I tried to avoid that at all costs. I wish that I had asked more questions.
It is said that the truth will set you free. Shake off the fear of asking questions. Shake off the fear of what the truth may be and choose to live in the world of reality. And if you do so without making assumptions, without taking anything personally, and by doing your best (the last agreement) you will live a life much more peaceful and hopefully your happiness will be that much more authentic.
The third of the four agreements is, "Don't Make Assumptions." When we make an assumption, we believe that what we are assuming is real. When we do that, we take things personally (see Agreement #2) and we end up creating a whole lotta drama. This drama can be painful and it can be poisonous and it is created because of misunderstandings... Misunderstandings that can be prevented if we have the courage just ask questions, no matter how hard they may be to ask. Without the reality of the truth, we can only see what we want to see and only hear what we want to hear.
In a relationship, it is easy for one to assume that the partner should know what he or she wants and needs. Even after many years in a relationship, needs and wants change and it is up to us as individuals to make sure that the door of communication is open and that we are sharing what it is that we need and want in that moment. It is our responsibility to do just that, not our partner's. Their responsibility is to make sure they are communicating just the same to us. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but everyone also has the right to ask as well.
It is in this chapter that the author writes of acceptance. Acceptance of ourselves, our partners, and our situations... to be open to their realities, not closed off in denial. We cannot change other people. No amount of love can make a person change. Change is something that must come from within. At the same time, if we are with someone that we want to change or if we are with someone who wants to change us, that is not pure love.
In my marriage, I think that my husband and I were both guilty of making too many assumptions. I am not sure which came first the breakdown of communication or the assumptions made. But either way they fed one another. After he passed, I was also left with so many questions, questions that I was always afraid to ask. I didn't assume their answers, but what I assumed was that just asking would cause my husband pain and I tried to avoid that at all costs. I wish that I had asked more questions.
It is said that the truth will set you free. Shake off the fear of asking questions. Shake off the fear of what the truth may be and choose to live in the world of reality. And if you do so without making assumptions, without taking anything personally, and by doing your best (the last agreement) you will live a life much more peaceful and hopefully your happiness will be that much more authentic.
No comments:
Post a Comment