Last night was date number two. It was nice. He was nice. I really can't go beyond the word nice. It's not a bad thing, it's not a good thing, it's... a nice thing. I am happy with that. I didn't want a bad first experience nor an amazing experience. I just needed something comfortable and safe. That is what I got. But its the realization of some of what makes me feel comfortable that is difficult.
There always had to be a first. There is just no way to avoid that unless I vowed to live the rest of my life alone, which I don't want. So here I am taking the first initial steps in moving on in my life in what I view as the absolute most important and most beautiful of ways, an initimate relationship with another person.
Last night I cried. I miss him.
My date reminded me of my husband in some ways. When I was on the date, it was familiar. The familiarity made me feel comfortable. But when I got home, it only reminded me that He is not here. I do not regret that I have begun my attempt to move on in this way. I don't think that it would ever be easy, no matter how long I waited and healed. Just as everything else, this is a process. It's a painful one though. It is as if wounds are being opened up again, just so that they can reheal in a different way.
As I have stated, I know that this is a process that must occur. It is something that I am willing to endure. I just hope that it leads to something amazing. I know that it exists. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it right now. But, amazing. Simply, utterly, phenominally amazing.
There always had to be a first. There is just no way to avoid that unless I vowed to live the rest of my life alone, which I don't want. So here I am taking the first initial steps in moving on in my life in what I view as the absolute most important and most beautiful of ways, an initimate relationship with another person.
Last night I cried. I miss him.
My date reminded me of my husband in some ways. When I was on the date, it was familiar. The familiarity made me feel comfortable. But when I got home, it only reminded me that He is not here. I do not regret that I have begun my attempt to move on in this way. I don't think that it would ever be easy, no matter how long I waited and healed. Just as everything else, this is a process. It's a painful one though. It is as if wounds are being opened up again, just so that they can reheal in a different way.
As I have stated, I know that this is a process that must occur. It is something that I am willing to endure. I just hope that it leads to something amazing. I know that it exists. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it right now. But, amazing. Simply, utterly, phenominally amazing.
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