This is an area where I am right down the middle. I believe that there are always options. We always have choices and have the freedom to make those choices. Sometimes they are hard to see. Sometimes they are extremely difficult to make, but they exist. That sounds like free will doesn't it? Well, here is where the fate comes in. I also believe that after freely making these choices there are consequences that follow. Good, bad, or indifferent, the consequences exist just as the choices do. Sometimes, it is easy to predict these consequences. Sometimes it's not. But, I feel that after a choice is made, it does take us on the path to that eventual consequence. The difficulty in seeing the precision here is that we are constantly changing our minds and actions and we are not the only factor in this. There are people all around us that influence our lives in ways that we may not even be aware of, just as we may not even be aware of these particular people. All things considered, our paths, our "destinies" are capable of changing.
I have been thinking about life and what I want from it. As hard as it is, I feel that my theory above does apply to the life I had with my husband. We met when my suite mate in college got a new roommate and this new roommate was dating one of my husband's friends. That is what eventually led us to our first encounter. There are many events that I could pick out throughout our nearly 14 years together where I can see how the choices we made led to particular outcomes. However, hindsight is 20-20, isn't it?
During this past year, I feel as though certain events and more particular, certain people in my life became very significant in allowing me to have the softest of cushions to help me deal with the loss of my husband. My family was there for me, in particular, my sister and my best friend. I became closer with some colleagues of mine at work, where now I consider them actual friends, not just women I work with. I even have some new friends in my life that have made such an important impact in my healing. Then there were some things like finding a babysitter (on the Internet!) who is absolutely wonderful and who my son absolutely adores. My home (that I only lived in less than a year before my husband passed), work, and son's day care are all so close to one another. That is a lifesaver between getting both of us ready in the morning, tackling laundry at the laundromat after work, going grocery shopping, or just running an errand that is so much easier to do without my son. I can get these things accomplished and pick up my son from day care the time a "normal" (non-teaching) parent would pick up their child. And I can't forget the perks of being a teacher... great hours, weekends, holidays, and summers off. I even have health care which is priceless, especially with a child. All of these factors have helped me to transition to a life on my own and the smooth transition has made my life less stressful and that has helped my healing process significantly.
One thing that I know for certain that I want from life is to meet someone and to be married again one day. I loved being married. I love being with that one person and all of the glory and comfort that comes with it. But, it's a process, one that I am not enjoying so much (more on that another day). But the first step is to meet someone. Well, I almost did...
A few postings ago, I mentioned a man that I had been exchanging e-mails with that I was very interested in meeting. We had a date set, but he had to cancel, said it was a family thing and I actually did believe him. Just the other day, he wrote to tell me that he was seeing another woman and that it had become more frequent and that wanted to see where that was leading. Boo! I was and am still very disappointed. My impression of this man was that he was in fact very kind and sincere. Even the way in which he told me about this other woman was done so with care and class. On paper, I think that this guy was a good one, a real good one. I'm not sure how we would have worked in reality, but now I won't ever have that chance in knowing. Timing. Timing can be so critical.
But was this fate working here as well, my fate? He used his free will when he chose not to meet me. I had no control over that. So if this is my fate, where am I headed? I can tell you this, not to anyone that I have met online anytime soon. :(
Back in December, I wrote about a book/movie called One Day. In this story, the two main characters are friends for about 15 years before they (the guy) realize they are soul mates and eventually marry and thus finally find happiness. Why couldn't that have happened 15 years earlier? It would have saved them so much heartache and would have added many more years of happiness into their lives? I think they were fated to be together, but their free will led them both to make choices that wouldn't allow them to be together until the precise right moment. Timing again.
I have been watching Sex and the City (practically with a pen in hand to takes notes, lol) and have been talking and listening to my single girl friends alot lately. Even my married friends have stories from their single days to share that are telling too. What everyone seems to say about the one that got away is that "it wasn't him" or "he's not worth it" or "it wasn't meant to be" or "you can do better." All of those sayings (and I have said them to) are meant to make you feel better, to restore any optimism or hope you may have had in that one person who may have took a piece of that with them. However, how long can that work for? I have only stepped out into the dating world two months ago. On a scale of 1-5 on how serious I am about wanting to find someone at this point, I'd say I'm at about a 2-2.5. Despite that low number, it can still feel disheartening when something doesn't go the way you wanted.
So, as of today, April 13 (Friday the 13th no less), these are the choices I am freely making...
I have been thinking about life and what I want from it. As hard as it is, I feel that my theory above does apply to the life I had with my husband. We met when my suite mate in college got a new roommate and this new roommate was dating one of my husband's friends. That is what eventually led us to our first encounter. There are many events that I could pick out throughout our nearly 14 years together where I can see how the choices we made led to particular outcomes. However, hindsight is 20-20, isn't it?
During this past year, I feel as though certain events and more particular, certain people in my life became very significant in allowing me to have the softest of cushions to help me deal with the loss of my husband. My family was there for me, in particular, my sister and my best friend. I became closer with some colleagues of mine at work, where now I consider them actual friends, not just women I work with. I even have some new friends in my life that have made such an important impact in my healing. Then there were some things like finding a babysitter (on the Internet!) who is absolutely wonderful and who my son absolutely adores. My home (that I only lived in less than a year before my husband passed), work, and son's day care are all so close to one another. That is a lifesaver between getting both of us ready in the morning, tackling laundry at the laundromat after work, going grocery shopping, or just running an errand that is so much easier to do without my son. I can get these things accomplished and pick up my son from day care the time a "normal" (non-teaching) parent would pick up their child. And I can't forget the perks of being a teacher... great hours, weekends, holidays, and summers off. I even have health care which is priceless, especially with a child. All of these factors have helped me to transition to a life on my own and the smooth transition has made my life less stressful and that has helped my healing process significantly.
One thing that I know for certain that I want from life is to meet someone and to be married again one day. I loved being married. I love being with that one person and all of the glory and comfort that comes with it. But, it's a process, one that I am not enjoying so much (more on that another day). But the first step is to meet someone. Well, I almost did...
A few postings ago, I mentioned a man that I had been exchanging e-mails with that I was very interested in meeting. We had a date set, but he had to cancel, said it was a family thing and I actually did believe him. Just the other day, he wrote to tell me that he was seeing another woman and that it had become more frequent and that wanted to see where that was leading. Boo! I was and am still very disappointed. My impression of this man was that he was in fact very kind and sincere. Even the way in which he told me about this other woman was done so with care and class. On paper, I think that this guy was a good one, a real good one. I'm not sure how we would have worked in reality, but now I won't ever have that chance in knowing. Timing. Timing can be so critical.
But was this fate working here as well, my fate? He used his free will when he chose not to meet me. I had no control over that. So if this is my fate, where am I headed? I can tell you this, not to anyone that I have met online anytime soon. :(
Back in December, I wrote about a book/movie called One Day. In this story, the two main characters are friends for about 15 years before they (the guy) realize they are soul mates and eventually marry and thus finally find happiness. Why couldn't that have happened 15 years earlier? It would have saved them so much heartache and would have added many more years of happiness into their lives? I think they were fated to be together, but their free will led them both to make choices that wouldn't allow them to be together until the precise right moment. Timing again.
I have been watching Sex and the City (practically with a pen in hand to takes notes, lol) and have been talking and listening to my single girl friends alot lately. Even my married friends have stories from their single days to share that are telling too. What everyone seems to say about the one that got away is that "it wasn't him" or "he's not worth it" or "it wasn't meant to be" or "you can do better." All of those sayings (and I have said them to) are meant to make you feel better, to restore any optimism or hope you may have had in that one person who may have took a piece of that with them. However, how long can that work for? I have only stepped out into the dating world two months ago. On a scale of 1-5 on how serious I am about wanting to find someone at this point, I'd say I'm at about a 2-2.5. Despite that low number, it can still feel disheartening when something doesn't go the way you wanted.
So, as of today, April 13 (Friday the 13th no less), these are the choices I am freely making...
- I am exercising regularly to stay fit (and sexy, of course!).
- I am buying some fun and sexy date clothes and am breaking them in going out at night with my girlfriends... no, I will not wait around for a man-date.
- I am on online dating sites and I am only initiating contact with men that I feel are worthwhile, to me. And I am only responding to men that I might be interested in as well.
- I am continuing to work on myself... discovering more interests, sharing my thoughts and opinions with others, and even settling in more into my apartment, my home.
Fate, well... it's fate. I really can't do anything about that. However, I am hoping that by making positive and healthy choices, those choices will led me to a fate that is filled with complete happiness (...with unicorns and butterflies and roses! lol) But seriously, I am very hopeful and optimistic about my future. :)
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