My boulevard of broken dreams happens to be the NYS Thruway. I know... what a terribly depressing title and thought, but it was a thought that ran through my head just the other day, so it is something that is very real to me.
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, my son and I stopped at my husband's parents' house a few days ago so that he could spend some time with his grandparents for Christmas. It is difficult to be there because that little town is just a reminder of him. There are some great memories that get stirred up by being there, but I also find that place to be harder to handle the memory of my husband despite that. That was hometown. He grew up there. It is where he is buried. So whether it is Christmas or any other regular day, the emotions that place causes me to have are the same.
It is always more difficult to drive from that town to my parents' house then from that town back to NYC. The reason is that being there stirs up so many memories and emotions and the route I have to take from there to my parents' seems to be a route through my earlier life.
We had met in college, in Rochester, which was located almost exactly between both of our home towns. After graduating, we lived there and continued to live there for a year after we had been married. We got both of our dogs there. We had even begun looking at houses there (before I was laid off and we moved to Virginia). I have always loved Rochester and I have such wonderful memories of him and with him living there. It was always a place that I had wanted to move back to, but it just never worked out. Anyways... I have to pass through this area to get to my parents'.
Although so many of the memories are wonderful ones, it just makes me think of what was. It reminds me of all of the hope that I had when I was so much younger. It reminds me of what I had wanted with my husband and what I was looking forward to having with him. It makes me think of the what-ifs... What if we had bought a house? What if we had never moved to Virginia? What if? What if? What if? I know that life doesn't work that way. But when I travel along a road that we had traveled together countless times, my mind cannot help but to wander in that direction.
It has been almost 10 years since I have lived in Rochester. But the thoughts and memories are very real. Rochester is a place that I will one day take my son. I will take him to the college where we both attended and met. I will take him around and show him places that we spent so much time together... parks, Wegmans (lol), and even old apartments. I think that no matter how much time has passed between now and then, whenever that visit may be, it is going to be very difficult and emotional. This was the place where the dream began. The loss of a dream is one that is hard to get over, no matter what may have caused it. In my case though, I have to admit, it just makes it that much more difficult and makes this post title quite fitting.
But, as I always try to do with this blog... I am truly thankful in that I can find happiness in the life that I am living now. I can see that I have so much to look forward to. And I learning how to let go of old dreams and how to create new ones with my life as it is. However, that doesn't mean that the old ones can't still sting from time to time.
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, my son and I stopped at my husband's parents' house a few days ago so that he could spend some time with his grandparents for Christmas. It is difficult to be there because that little town is just a reminder of him. There are some great memories that get stirred up by being there, but I also find that place to be harder to handle the memory of my husband despite that. That was hometown. He grew up there. It is where he is buried. So whether it is Christmas or any other regular day, the emotions that place causes me to have are the same.
It is always more difficult to drive from that town to my parents' house then from that town back to NYC. The reason is that being there stirs up so many memories and emotions and the route I have to take from there to my parents' seems to be a route through my earlier life.
We had met in college, in Rochester, which was located almost exactly between both of our home towns. After graduating, we lived there and continued to live there for a year after we had been married. We got both of our dogs there. We had even begun looking at houses there (before I was laid off and we moved to Virginia). I have always loved Rochester and I have such wonderful memories of him and with him living there. It was always a place that I had wanted to move back to, but it just never worked out. Anyways... I have to pass through this area to get to my parents'.
Although so many of the memories are wonderful ones, it just makes me think of what was. It reminds me of all of the hope that I had when I was so much younger. It reminds me of what I had wanted with my husband and what I was looking forward to having with him. It makes me think of the what-ifs... What if we had bought a house? What if we had never moved to Virginia? What if? What if? What if? I know that life doesn't work that way. But when I travel along a road that we had traveled together countless times, my mind cannot help but to wander in that direction.
It has been almost 10 years since I have lived in Rochester. But the thoughts and memories are very real. Rochester is a place that I will one day take my son. I will take him to the college where we both attended and met. I will take him around and show him places that we spent so much time together... parks, Wegmans (lol), and even old apartments. I think that no matter how much time has passed between now and then, whenever that visit may be, it is going to be very difficult and emotional. This was the place where the dream began. The loss of a dream is one that is hard to get over, no matter what may have caused it. In my case though, I have to admit, it just makes it that much more difficult and makes this post title quite fitting.
But, as I always try to do with this blog... I am truly thankful in that I can find happiness in the life that I am living now. I can see that I have so much to look forward to. And I learning how to let go of old dreams and how to create new ones with my life as it is. However, that doesn't mean that the old ones can't still sting from time to time.
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