An Ode to My Parents

When I went off to college, my father gave me this handy dandy screw driver that can change between a flat head and a Phillips head.  He said that whatever I would need in a tool in college, that should be able to tackle it.

That was 16 years ago.  I still have that it and it is my go to piece.  Since my college dorm years I have lived in 7 different homes.  I have hung up and take down more pictures frames and curtain rods than I can count. I have put together furniture and toys.  I have opened more cans of paint than I care to remember.  My dad was so right!! 

I am in the midst of redecorating my apartment and today was a day of painting.  So when I needed a screwdriver to take down some curtain rods, what did I seek out?  You got it.  However, today I looked at this old, used, dirty and paint stained screwdriver a bit differently.  I remembered my dad giving it to me and what he said what he did. And I didn't look at that screwdriver as just a screwdriver.  My father had given me a tool.  He and my mother had actually given me many tools, but this was the only one that I can concretely hold on to. 

The other tools that my parents had given to me were the ones that I needed to be able to make it on my own.  Some of them were done purposely, like my father telling me to always pay myself first and to save money to have when needed.  My parents paid the majority of my way through college, a private college nonetheless, so that I could have a career that I love and the ability to make my own money.  My parents were also very supportive of me, even when I know they didn't agree or want me to make the decisions that I made... like when I moved in with Dale before we got married and when we moved to Virginia.  They supported me when I was younger too and I was able to try the clarinet and gymnastics.  And when those didn't stick, they not only carted me around year round to basketball, soccer, and softball practices, they were always at my games as well.  I felt loved, important, and had the ability to make choices for myself.

Not everything was perfect.  There were times when I couldn't stand them too!  My mother was always worried about what other people would think.  She nagged.  She was the authority and was kind of scary at times growing up, lol.  She was not overly cuddly, but I do remember always wanting her when I was sick, because she did feel warm then.   We never established that close relationship though where I felt comfortable sharing private things with her.  She wasn't very open emotionally like that and still isn't although it isn't as uncomfortable as it used to be.  My father is kind of the same way in that regard.  He is on the more passive side.  They don't always speak their minds and take a more laid back approach on many issues.  I never truly learned how to communicate thoroughly and effectively growing up.  I never learned how to state and stand by my opinion.  I never learned how to argue and then how to make up.  I never learned how to let go verbally. In many ways these negatives kind of set me up to take the path that I took.  In many ways when my path crossed with Dale's we created a perfect storm.

However, this is an ode to my parents.  Although those negatives influenced me, they also created positives in me as well.  I am not overly emotional and can rationalize situations.  I am emotionally independent.  It took me a long time to get over what people thought of me, but I am now conscious of others in a thoughtful way.  I have not always stood up for myself like I should have or shared my thoughts like I should have, but I do possess a softer side and don't always see things only through my eyes.  So many positives have come from the negatives.  I have gained from both their perfections and imperfections because no matter what, their love for me was genuine and unconditional. 

When it all boils down, when life threw its worst at me, I had exactly what I needed to cope with and to handle it.  Without disregard or disrespect to all the people that I love that have loved me and have stood by me throughout all of this, I must say that I am essentially doing it on my own.  I have been able to do it because those tools had always been within me.  I am making it on my own and despite everything, I can honestly say that I am happy.  There's a happiness both in and out.  And I have my parents to thank for that.

I have posted a few times already and just earlier this month in "Why It's So Important, " that what I want for my son to have more than anything is for him to feel secure with himself, that he has that inner love and peace.  To me, those are the tools that he will need to "make it on his own" no matter what life throws at him.

I just never realized until today that the very thing I want for my son is the same gift I received from my parents.