So in my last post I was embracing a few of the items that I found on the top 10 list for being single. Of course I titled it "I Can Do What I Want." Of course I mentioned my son, as I am not completely selfish and I am in no way a negligent parent. Of course my babysitter had to cancel on me yesterday when I had plans to go out... only to remind me that in reality, I really can't do exactly what I want whenever I want. I do have limitations. And as I was hoping that my follow up post about embracing single hood would have been the one about strengthening friendships and I could have gone on about my fun night out with the girls last night, I was instead left very bummed and once again feeling very alone.
This had been a tough week for me. It's not that anything particular happened this week, it just seems that things had played out enough and that they all took they toll on me this week.
Work: I've been busy getting my lessons in order and adding on to them to make them more aligned with the new standards. I am still tossing the idea of my "business" around in my head and because of that I am being extremely anal about the lessons, assessments, and resources that I am using in both. I'm being so anal that its hindering my work and has put me in slow motion. I'm tying to perfect and as a result, its taking me forever to get things done!
Working Out: I decided that for as long as I can before it turns too cold, I was going to run, 2-3 times a week and them add one or two workouts from p90x. I started off doing great. I was running 3x a week, which is awesome for me. But last week, I didn't go once. I also haven't been working out at home either. Doing the p90x program for 3 months this spring really made me like working out. I felt GREAT! and I liked the way my body looked too.... I really need to faithfully commit again.
Dating: My last date was in the beginning of September. I've been on 3 dates since May and they have all been with the same guy. The very same guy that I said goodbye to earlier this week.
A Quiet Mind: I've decided that I like it when my head is thinking. Lol, that sounds funny, but it's true. I've stated before how I've had this peaceful lull about me ever since my trip. However, I feel as if it is just a dull right now. My posts have felt forced and uninspired. I've had plenty of thoughts and ideas... but I still cannot seem to find the words to compliment them.
The Uncontrollable: I've been frustrated. I've felt very frustrated because I feel very alone. And I am really tired of it. So I have been frustrated. I have worked very hard at finding myself, becoming a better person... both inside and out, yadda, yadda, yadda... but at the end of the day, I only have so much control over a situation. There needs to be two to tango and I just can't make it happen. I can't create someone. And like this post started... I do have limitations in where I can go and what I can do. I'm not complaining about the limitations, but frustrated in that the freedoms I do have are not finding me what I want.
Alone: I did something the other night for the very first time. I slept in the middle of my bed. For over two years I have stayed on my side. The other night I decided to embrace the fact that I sleep alone and decided to take over my bed. It was a lonely feeling. It's been too long. I am not talking about sex. Sex is easy. It's been too long snuggling right up into someone and feeling a warm body against your back.
So... all this kind of hit its mark on me this week. And I felt sorry for myself, especially last night because I was so looking forward to dressing up, going out to one of my favorite neighborhoods, and spending time with friends. Instead I bought a bottle of wine and I planned a night getaway next weekend with my sister. We're meeting near Watkins Glen (gorgeous!) and will just find various fall festivities to do. My son will have fun with his cousins and I'll get to see my big sis. I also officially decided that I am going to Disney in February and I began some planning for that last night too.
You know what? It worked. I had a great day today... I even had an epiphany!
This had been a tough week for me. It's not that anything particular happened this week, it just seems that things had played out enough and that they all took they toll on me this week.
Work: I've been busy getting my lessons in order and adding on to them to make them more aligned with the new standards. I am still tossing the idea of my "business" around in my head and because of that I am being extremely anal about the lessons, assessments, and resources that I am using in both. I'm being so anal that its hindering my work and has put me in slow motion. I'm tying to perfect and as a result, its taking me forever to get things done!
Working Out: I decided that for as long as I can before it turns too cold, I was going to run, 2-3 times a week and them add one or two workouts from p90x. I started off doing great. I was running 3x a week, which is awesome for me. But last week, I didn't go once. I also haven't been working out at home either. Doing the p90x program for 3 months this spring really made me like working out. I felt GREAT! and I liked the way my body looked too.... I really need to faithfully commit again.
Dating: My last date was in the beginning of September. I've been on 3 dates since May and they have all been with the same guy. The very same guy that I said goodbye to earlier this week.
A Quiet Mind: I've decided that I like it when my head is thinking. Lol, that sounds funny, but it's true. I've stated before how I've had this peaceful lull about me ever since my trip. However, I feel as if it is just a dull right now. My posts have felt forced and uninspired. I've had plenty of thoughts and ideas... but I still cannot seem to find the words to compliment them.
The Uncontrollable: I've been frustrated. I've felt very frustrated because I feel very alone. And I am really tired of it. So I have been frustrated. I have worked very hard at finding myself, becoming a better person... both inside and out, yadda, yadda, yadda... but at the end of the day, I only have so much control over a situation. There needs to be two to tango and I just can't make it happen. I can't create someone. And like this post started... I do have limitations in where I can go and what I can do. I'm not complaining about the limitations, but frustrated in that the freedoms I do have are not finding me what I want.
Alone: I did something the other night for the very first time. I slept in the middle of my bed. For over two years I have stayed on my side. The other night I decided to embrace the fact that I sleep alone and decided to take over my bed. It was a lonely feeling. It's been too long. I am not talking about sex. Sex is easy. It's been too long snuggling right up into someone and feeling a warm body against your back.
So... all this kind of hit its mark on me this week. And I felt sorry for myself, especially last night because I was so looking forward to dressing up, going out to one of my favorite neighborhoods, and spending time with friends. Instead I bought a bottle of wine and I planned a night getaway next weekend with my sister. We're meeting near Watkins Glen (gorgeous!) and will just find various fall festivities to do. My son will have fun with his cousins and I'll get to see my big sis. I also officially decided that I am going to Disney in February and I began some planning for that last night too.
You know what? It worked. I had a great day today... I even had an epiphany!
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