Saturday night my son woke up crying. He said that he saw smoke up near the ceiling in his room and he told me we needed to call the firemen.
I panicked for a second until I checked out the room and thankfully saw that there was no smoke. My son must of had a dream. Earlier that day, we had actually been to a fire station for a family and friends Christmas party. So it made some sense that perhaps that experience seeped into his sleeping mind. However, he had a hard time calming down and falling back to sleep. So, I laid down with him in his bed until he fell asleep and he slept through the rest of the night. Phew! Or so I thought...
Yesterday was all well and good up to dinner time. My son knew what was coming next and he was literally in tears on and off for about an hour leading to bedtime. He didn't want to go to sleep. He was scared to go to sleep. He was worried about the smoke. Even though we checked out his room to make sure there wasn't any smoke, he still cried during his bath. He cried during story time. He cried while I was with him in bed. It broke my heart to see him so distraught.
Today, same thing. His emotions got the best of him even before dinner tonight. He cried on and off and was completely miserable for about two hours. My son is spooked.
I have never seen him so upset and emotional like this. The only times that he was woken up at night and has had a difficult time falling back to sleep in recent times is when he is getting sick. So, I was half expecting for that to happen, but I don't think that is going to happen. I don't think that's the case. Today, I got spooked.
The crying began because of the realization that bedtime was soon approaching, but it quickly turned into an emotional breakdown over every little thing... eating dinner, watching tv, going to the bathroom alone, etc. At one point, he was crying in a sad way about watching tv. Then all of a sudden he stopped. It was so sudden it caught my attention because I thought he lost his breath or was going to become sick, but no... in that instant, his mood changed from crying sadly to a pouty mad face. A scary, angry face actually. My heart sank.
There was only one time, when I have seen someone change moods as dramatically and as instantly as that. It was his father who did it... in the middle of emotional breakdown.
My greatest fear is for my son to acquire a single trace of his father's disease. It petrifies me. My son however is a very happy child. He is spirited. He is light. He seems nothing but balanced and healthy. I have made a conscious effort to be positive with him. To encourage him. To tell him daily how special, brave, and smart he is. I tell him I am so proud of him. I want him to know his worth. I have even signed him up for karate and am so happy that he likes it. That is a sport that I really wanted for him to take on because of its mental discipline. I am trying to be proactive and to build such a strong wall from the nurturing standpoint that will kick the ass of any part of the nature aspect of him that may have a predisposition. And for a while, I felt comfortable and confident in that. But I have to admit that today, his sudden and drastic change in mood, it took a piece of that away. It stung.
Before I began writing tonight, I did Google fears, nightmares, and phobias in 4 year olds. Its perfectly normal. It just isn't or wasn't normal for him. And if it does become the new norm for now, I can handle that. It's not the fear of the dark or fear of going to sleep (I had that too, I can identify!), that bothered me. It was the look in his eyes when his mood did a 360. On the positive side, he was tired. He looked awful tonight. I am hoping that was the triggering factor.
Hope... I can do all the right things and all that I can, but I also need a big dose of hope as well. Maybe this is just a reminder that I can't get overly confident or overly comfortable in my son's emotional and mental development.
I feel like I just stared my worst fear in the face today. Yes, it spooked me. But I didn't loose it. I fought back by being loving, by listening and understanding, and by being fair and stern. I wanted him to feel safe and secure, but I wasn't going to back down because of the tears or anger either. That was what I was never able to do with or for Dale. But I have learned and I am stronger... and so is my son, strong.
I panicked for a second until I checked out the room and thankfully saw that there was no smoke. My son must of had a dream. Earlier that day, we had actually been to a fire station for a family and friends Christmas party. So it made some sense that perhaps that experience seeped into his sleeping mind. However, he had a hard time calming down and falling back to sleep. So, I laid down with him in his bed until he fell asleep and he slept through the rest of the night. Phew! Or so I thought...
Yesterday was all well and good up to dinner time. My son knew what was coming next and he was literally in tears on and off for about an hour leading to bedtime. He didn't want to go to sleep. He was scared to go to sleep. He was worried about the smoke. Even though we checked out his room to make sure there wasn't any smoke, he still cried during his bath. He cried during story time. He cried while I was with him in bed. It broke my heart to see him so distraught.
Today, same thing. His emotions got the best of him even before dinner tonight. He cried on and off and was completely miserable for about two hours. My son is spooked.
I have never seen him so upset and emotional like this. The only times that he was woken up at night and has had a difficult time falling back to sleep in recent times is when he is getting sick. So, I was half expecting for that to happen, but I don't think that is going to happen. I don't think that's the case. Today, I got spooked.
The crying began because of the realization that bedtime was soon approaching, but it quickly turned into an emotional breakdown over every little thing... eating dinner, watching tv, going to the bathroom alone, etc. At one point, he was crying in a sad way about watching tv. Then all of a sudden he stopped. It was so sudden it caught my attention because I thought he lost his breath or was going to become sick, but no... in that instant, his mood changed from crying sadly to a pouty mad face. A scary, angry face actually. My heart sank.
There was only one time, when I have seen someone change moods as dramatically and as instantly as that. It was his father who did it... in the middle of emotional breakdown.
My greatest fear is for my son to acquire a single trace of his father's disease. It petrifies me. My son however is a very happy child. He is spirited. He is light. He seems nothing but balanced and healthy. I have made a conscious effort to be positive with him. To encourage him. To tell him daily how special, brave, and smart he is. I tell him I am so proud of him. I want him to know his worth. I have even signed him up for karate and am so happy that he likes it. That is a sport that I really wanted for him to take on because of its mental discipline. I am trying to be proactive and to build such a strong wall from the nurturing standpoint that will kick the ass of any part of the nature aspect of him that may have a predisposition. And for a while, I felt comfortable and confident in that. But I have to admit that today, his sudden and drastic change in mood, it took a piece of that away. It stung.
Before I began writing tonight, I did Google fears, nightmares, and phobias in 4 year olds. Its perfectly normal. It just isn't or wasn't normal for him. And if it does become the new norm for now, I can handle that. It's not the fear of the dark or fear of going to sleep (I had that too, I can identify!), that bothered me. It was the look in his eyes when his mood did a 360. On the positive side, he was tired. He looked awful tonight. I am hoping that was the triggering factor.
Hope... I can do all the right things and all that I can, but I also need a big dose of hope as well. Maybe this is just a reminder that I can't get overly confident or overly comfortable in my son's emotional and mental development.
I feel like I just stared my worst fear in the face today. Yes, it spooked me. But I didn't loose it. I fought back by being loving, by listening and understanding, and by being fair and stern. I wanted him to feel safe and secure, but I wasn't going to back down because of the tears or anger either. That was what I was never able to do with or for Dale. But I have learned and I am stronger... and so is my son, strong.
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