So I returned back home to New York yesterday, but what I failed to mention in yesterday's post is that I returned alone. My son is staying with my parents until Friday when they (volunteered) to drive him back home.
This is actually my first time in New York/home without him. I have left my son with my parents twice before, but that was when I went to Las Vegas and the Northwest. Being home though is different than being away without him. I have to admit, it is weird to not have him here. I keep catching myself looking for him and even panicking for a second when I feel that he's not there. I am just so used to having him with me, that I truly do feel like something is missing without him.
I can't help to admit that I have wondered how different my life would be had I been widowed without a child. Would I have moved? Would I have decided to teach abroad? Would I have taken a leave from teaching or would I have gone back to school to further my career or change it completely? Would I have had more dates? Would I have taken more risks? Would I have kept it together as well as I have?
I can't answer any of those questions because I do have a child. And he is wonderful! And I am so very, very thankful that I have him. I don't care if I would have traveled more or if I would have had more dates or even all of the extra money that I would have had being completely single. My son brings something to my life that is far more valuable and greater than anything else... anything else.
So while I will very much enjoy the freedom that I will have over the next few days and I will appreciate the opportunity that my son will have to enjoy our family without me, there is still a little piece missing here at home. But, I know that we both need this separation. It's good for the both of us.
(And... there is a particular reason that my son is spending this New Year's week with my parents. That's because I have a date! This will be date 6.5, lol. So, yes... tonight I will ring in the New Year with my New Yorker.)
This is actually my first time in New York/home without him. I have left my son with my parents twice before, but that was when I went to Las Vegas and the Northwest. Being home though is different than being away without him. I have to admit, it is weird to not have him here. I keep catching myself looking for him and even panicking for a second when I feel that he's not there. I am just so used to having him with me, that I truly do feel like something is missing without him.
I can't help to admit that I have wondered how different my life would be had I been widowed without a child. Would I have moved? Would I have decided to teach abroad? Would I have taken a leave from teaching or would I have gone back to school to further my career or change it completely? Would I have had more dates? Would I have taken more risks? Would I have kept it together as well as I have?
I can't answer any of those questions because I do have a child. And he is wonderful! And I am so very, very thankful that I have him. I don't care if I would have traveled more or if I would have had more dates or even all of the extra money that I would have had being completely single. My son brings something to my life that is far more valuable and greater than anything else... anything else.
So while I will very much enjoy the freedom that I will have over the next few days and I will appreciate the opportunity that my son will have to enjoy our family without me, there is still a little piece missing here at home. But, I know that we both need this separation. It's good for the both of us.
(And... there is a particular reason that my son is spending this New Year's week with my parents. That's because I have a date! This will be date 6.5, lol. So, yes... tonight I will ring in the New Year with my New Yorker.)
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