I have been asked several times before if I would ever want to contact Dale through a medium. My answer has always been no and I don't foresee ever changing my mind on that. My reasoning, which I believe I have posted about before, is that I have worked so incredibly hard to come to the understanding and acceptance that I have now... I don't want to jeopardize that. Having said that, I did visit a spiritualist months after Dale had past. However, it wasn't to contact him. I just needed something... something positive to look forward to, something to help ease my mind and to help me find a piece of comfort, no matter how small or relevant. And it did.
I have also been asked if I have ever seen or felt any signs of his presence. My answer to that has always been no. I honestly haven't. That used to frighten me a bit. Brought up Catholic, I grew up being taught that committing suicide is losing all hope and faith in God and therefore those who did it were sent to hell. So I tried not to think about the fact that I never really felt his presence in any way. I didn't want to think that he was in hell. Dale was already in his own hell here. He was a good person. And it was/is hard for me to believe that my God would do that. I know that Dale did lose hope. He wanted to end the pain. But he also wanted to be with God too.
The last time I was asked the latter question was just this past summer. And for the first time, I didn't become troubled or worried when I answered no. If there is indeed an afterlife (and I do believe that there is something more after what we know as life) I do not think that not feeling Dale indicates the worst. I have feared that Dale carried anger with him and felt that towards me still. That made it even more frightening to get a visit. But I let that go too.I think visits are scary and I don't openly welcome them. I have never been visited by the child I lost through miscarriage, my uncle, my grandma, or Dale. My belief is that they are all in a good place. I trust that. I will see them all soon enough. And their presence in life is enough to sustain me. It has to be because that is all that I have.
My son often tells stories now of things that he has done with "my dad." Sometimes they are difficult to listen to. Sometimes I feel like I need to correct him. Sometimes I feel like I want him to elaborate more and more because the stories sound so wonderful. I may not welcome visits for no other reason than I don't want to feel spooked especially since I live all alone. However, I think it would be precious if any one of these stories that my son tells came from a visit that he once had.
I have also been asked if I have ever seen or felt any signs of his presence. My answer to that has always been no. I honestly haven't. That used to frighten me a bit. Brought up Catholic, I grew up being taught that committing suicide is losing all hope and faith in God and therefore those who did it were sent to hell. So I tried not to think about the fact that I never really felt his presence in any way. I didn't want to think that he was in hell. Dale was already in his own hell here. He was a good person. And it was/is hard for me to believe that my God would do that. I know that Dale did lose hope. He wanted to end the pain. But he also wanted to be with God too.
The last time I was asked the latter question was just this past summer. And for the first time, I didn't become troubled or worried when I answered no. If there is indeed an afterlife (and I do believe that there is something more after what we know as life) I do not think that not feeling Dale indicates the worst. I have feared that Dale carried anger with him and felt that towards me still. That made it even more frightening to get a visit. But I let that go too.I think visits are scary and I don't openly welcome them. I have never been visited by the child I lost through miscarriage, my uncle, my grandma, or Dale. My belief is that they are all in a good place. I trust that. I will see them all soon enough. And their presence in life is enough to sustain me. It has to be because that is all that I have.
My son often tells stories now of things that he has done with "my dad." Sometimes they are difficult to listen to. Sometimes I feel like I need to correct him. Sometimes I feel like I want him to elaborate more and more because the stories sound so wonderful. I may not welcome visits for no other reason than I don't want to feel spooked especially since I live all alone. However, I think it would be precious if any one of these stories that my son tells came from a visit that he once had.
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