Inspiration

I'm not a feminist.  I applaud both women and men who are strong, independent, hard working, and grounded with integrity, generosity, and kindness.  However, there are times when I do rejoice in being a woman.  I may hear a story, read a poem, or am touched by someone personally that truly inspires me.  I last posted the poem "Phenomenal Woman" by Maya Angelou.  I can't help but to feel confident and empowered after reading it.  It reminds me to be proud of who I am and how that can be one of the most captivating characteristics one can possess.

But this post is not about me.  It's about someone in my life that I find to be simply amazing.  That person, that woman, is my grandma.

My grandma is the type of person who says what is on her mind.  Oh, it can be quite embarrassing at times, but she is not obnoxious or rude.  But, I admire that aspect of her because that is a quality I do not possess and it is one that I have to make a great effort in doing, making my thoughts known.

When my grandmother was just a few years older than I was, my grandfather passed away.  She was only 34 and she had two children, my father and my aunt.  They were very young, but they were old enough to understand what had happened to their father and to truly miss his presence in their lives.  Unfortunately, I now understand the anguish of losing not only a husband, but the father to your child as well.  It's very difficult.  It was difficult for my grandmother too.  However, she found happiness again when she met my step-grandfather.  It wasn't long after my grandfather's passing that she actually met him, it was less than a year.  But he was understanding and loving to her, my father, and my aunt.

It was wonderful to talk with her after my husband died.  She had an understanding that no one else that I knew had.  What was probably one of the best gifts that she could have given me was her optimism.  She told me how she had been blessed with two husbands.  They were each different and unique, but they both loved her dearly and brought her great joy in life.  She assured me that I would find that again too.

She also assured me that its okay to do what you have to do.  When my grandmother remarried, my grandfather's family pretty much wrote her off because they felt it was too soon.  As a result, my father and aunt were the ones who lost out on getting to know their father's family.  I don't worry so much about that happening to me, but I have thought about when is the appropriate time to get back out there.  But my grandmother is right, I have to do what I have to do.  I have decided with the beginning of this new year that I would put myself back out there.  Is it too soon?  I don't know and I won't know until I'm actually out there.  All that I do know is that life is moving on whether or not I like it or am ready for it.  It is hard and its is lonely being a single mom.  Life passes by quickly and I don't want it to pass by me.

I have never met either of my grandfathers.  My step-grandfather died when I was only a year old, so I have no recollection of him.  What I do know is that my father is an amazing man.  And I know that he was influenced by his own father, his step-father, the man who raised him the majority of his life, and of course my grandmother who was the constant loving presence in his life.  That gives me so much hope for my future and the future for my son.

Last week, I was visiting my family for the holidays and I took my grandma out for dinner one night.  As I dropped her off back home, I asked if I could help her find her keys, walk her to the door, etc. (her vision is very poor) she replied, "No.  Don't be offended, but I am going to do for myself and be as independent as I can for as long as I can."  And with that we said out goodbyes and as I watched her open the door to her house, the house she has lived in alone for over thirty years, and walk in, I couldn't have been more appreciative and inspired by her.  Love her.