I know that it's March 1st and that I should be starting a new month for The Happiness Project, but I'm still on the feeling right topic from February. I've addressed feeling right with your job and with your significant other in my last few postings. Today, I want to focus on location, location, location. This particular focus strikes a chord with me because I have moved so many times and I have not felt like I've been "home" since...???
I left my parents' home when I was 18 to go away to college in Rochester, NY, which was only 2 hours away. I returned home every summer up until the summer before my senior year when I moved in with some girlfriends. I have been "on my own" ever since.
After I graduated from college, I moved in with my late husband who happened to be my fiance at the time. We had met at college and we lived in Rochester for two years before moving to Virginia. I really loved Rochester and after we were married, we actually started to look at houses. However, I was laid-off two years in a row as a teacher and that along with our desire to explore made the decision to move a rather easy one. Why Virginia? No reason other then the fact that when I Googled teaching jobs it came up. I found a city on the ocean near Virginia Beach and got a job right away.
That first year in Virginia was brutal. I hated it. I felt so far away from family and friends. My class was awful. All I wanted to do was move back to Rochester. Compared to Virginia, Rochester did feel more like home. However, I knew that I wouldn't find a teaching job back in Rochester. My husband convinced me to stay in Virginia and I convinced him that we should buy a house (as an investment). And we did. We lived in Virginia for a total of four years. It never got better for me. I never felt at home there and I had applied back up in New York every single year. Each year I expanded my job search. First it was just Rochester. Then it was Rochester and Buffalo. Finally, we realized that western NY was not in the cards for us. We thought New York City would be an exciting place to live (for awhile) until we could decide where it was we really wanted to settle down. So, I applied to the New York City Public Schools and I have been here for nearly 5 years now.
So let me summarize the past 10 years... I have lived in two states, New York to Virginia back up to New York. I have lived in four different cities and five different apartments/houses. I have even worked in 4 different schools including 4 different school districts. Each time we, I moved, it was with the intentions of being temporary so I never settled in anywhere. Living in New York City for 5 years and working in the same school for the past 5 years is the longest I have stayed in one place my entire adult life. However, I am not sure if this is home.
It was our intention to raise our son outside of New York City. We had wanted to own our own home again. We wanted a yard for our son and for our dogs. We wanted a smaller, quaint community to settle down in. Where this particular place was, we didn't know and I'll never know. Now, the decision on where to raise my son is entirely up to me. I have the freedom to moved anywhere, and I mean anywhere I desire. In many ways, that freedom is exhilarating, but at the same time, it is really overwhelming. I don't know, I just don't know.
I really love New York City. I love the energy, the diversity, the variety of experiences (museums, parks, theatre, etc.) that it provides. However, when I think about those things, they are not necessarily day to day living aspects. When I think about those, I think about the okay apartment I live in. The one that has no yard and no laundry facilities. It's one where I pay an enormous amount in rent each month and that's for it's location. I have on-street parking. Driving itself in the city is bad, but finding parking is even worse. For now, it's okay. But do I want to live this way for the rest of my life? No. I want more. However, to get more or even to get a house (unless I remarry an incredibly rich man) I would have to move out further from the city. To me, that defeats the purpose of living here. I like being in the center of Brooklyn. It's close to some of the best offerings of Brooklyn and it's close to Manhattan, which I love. I do not want to live in the outskirts of Brooklyn, Queens, or The Bronx and I have no desire to live anywhere on the island of Staten Island (or Long Island for that matter). I have no idea where I want to live. But I do know that I very much desire the feeling of being settled somewhere and to call one place home and really feel it.
Here is (somewhat of) my dilemma... I am in the beginning stages of dating. I am obviously looking to date men nearby which means that they are all in the New York City area. That may potentially keep me grounded here. Is that what's right for me? OR (Since I am in no rush to date or remarry) Do I explore different areas and decide what place is right for me and then date and hope to find someone there? OR do I just open up the gates of dating and date anyone from anywhere since I am part gypsy (lol) and would be willing to move?
Since my husband and I were never able to find the right place, a place where we both wanted to settle down and call home, I adopted the quote, "Home is where your heart is." And that helped. Life is very dynamic isn't it? Adding location to career and person as far as living the life that is right for you just adds another layer. However, I guess if you have all three that would lead to one feeling quite whole, content and happy. :)
I left my parents' home when I was 18 to go away to college in Rochester, NY, which was only 2 hours away. I returned home every summer up until the summer before my senior year when I moved in with some girlfriends. I have been "on my own" ever since.
After I graduated from college, I moved in with my late husband who happened to be my fiance at the time. We had met at college and we lived in Rochester for two years before moving to Virginia. I really loved Rochester and after we were married, we actually started to look at houses. However, I was laid-off two years in a row as a teacher and that along with our desire to explore made the decision to move a rather easy one. Why Virginia? No reason other then the fact that when I Googled teaching jobs it came up. I found a city on the ocean near Virginia Beach and got a job right away.
That first year in Virginia was brutal. I hated it. I felt so far away from family and friends. My class was awful. All I wanted to do was move back to Rochester. Compared to Virginia, Rochester did feel more like home. However, I knew that I wouldn't find a teaching job back in Rochester. My husband convinced me to stay in Virginia and I convinced him that we should buy a house (as an investment). And we did. We lived in Virginia for a total of four years. It never got better for me. I never felt at home there and I had applied back up in New York every single year. Each year I expanded my job search. First it was just Rochester. Then it was Rochester and Buffalo. Finally, we realized that western NY was not in the cards for us. We thought New York City would be an exciting place to live (for awhile) until we could decide where it was we really wanted to settle down. So, I applied to the New York City Public Schools and I have been here for nearly 5 years now.
So let me summarize the past 10 years... I have lived in two states, New York to Virginia back up to New York. I have lived in four different cities and five different apartments/houses. I have even worked in 4 different schools including 4 different school districts. Each time we, I moved, it was with the intentions of being temporary so I never settled in anywhere. Living in New York City for 5 years and working in the same school for the past 5 years is the longest I have stayed in one place my entire adult life. However, I am not sure if this is home.
It was our intention to raise our son outside of New York City. We had wanted to own our own home again. We wanted a yard for our son and for our dogs. We wanted a smaller, quaint community to settle down in. Where this particular place was, we didn't know and I'll never know. Now, the decision on where to raise my son is entirely up to me. I have the freedom to moved anywhere, and I mean anywhere I desire. In many ways, that freedom is exhilarating, but at the same time, it is really overwhelming. I don't know, I just don't know.
I really love New York City. I love the energy, the diversity, the variety of experiences (museums, parks, theatre, etc.) that it provides. However, when I think about those things, they are not necessarily day to day living aspects. When I think about those, I think about the okay apartment I live in. The one that has no yard and no laundry facilities. It's one where I pay an enormous amount in rent each month and that's for it's location. I have on-street parking. Driving itself in the city is bad, but finding parking is even worse. For now, it's okay. But do I want to live this way for the rest of my life? No. I want more. However, to get more or even to get a house (unless I remarry an incredibly rich man) I would have to move out further from the city. To me, that defeats the purpose of living here. I like being in the center of Brooklyn. It's close to some of the best offerings of Brooklyn and it's close to Manhattan, which I love. I do not want to live in the outskirts of Brooklyn, Queens, or The Bronx and I have no desire to live anywhere on the island of Staten Island (or Long Island for that matter). I have no idea where I want to live. But I do know that I very much desire the feeling of being settled somewhere and to call one place home and really feel it.
Here is (somewhat of) my dilemma... I am in the beginning stages of dating. I am obviously looking to date men nearby which means that they are all in the New York City area. That may potentially keep me grounded here. Is that what's right for me? OR (Since I am in no rush to date or remarry) Do I explore different areas and decide what place is right for me and then date and hope to find someone there? OR do I just open up the gates of dating and date anyone from anywhere since I am part gypsy (lol) and would be willing to move?
Since my husband and I were never able to find the right place, a place where we both wanted to settle down and call home, I adopted the quote, "Home is where your heart is." And that helped. Life is very dynamic isn't it? Adding location to career and person as far as living the life that is right for you just adds another layer. However, I guess if you have all three that would lead to one feeling quite whole, content and happy. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment