So if you have been reading my blog over the course of the past two weeks or so, you know that there has been quite a bit of... drama? going on in my world of dating. I left off on Saturday with my moment of putting myself, my beliefs, and him all on the spot. I did get an answer back from him... 2 days later and it didn't come out easily either.
Although I did not get any detailed apology or explanation, he did finally tell me that he shut down because he became scared and confused about what he wants. My response was that I felt the same way. It didn't excuse his behaviors and the way that he treated me. I told him that all I wanted from him this entire time was for him to be honest with me and he did open up just a tad more and told me that he enjoying seeing and being with me and that made it harder and added on pressure for him. (Let me just say that was he added that pressure, I gave him so much space too much in fact.) As I started to hear more and the fact that he wanted to meet me and explain more, but still couldn't commit to a date and time he just started to really frustrate and upset me. All I could think about was Justin Long's line from "He's Just Not That Into You" when he says "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what." And that is basically what I told him. I told him that we already know what we need to know, we just need to be true to ourselves and that there was no need to be confused. He just didn't want me and I already knew it. And I said good bye.
When I went back and reread what I posted on Saturday about assuming what he really could be thinking about committing to a relationship with me, there were some things that he said that fit my "theory." He just couldn't explain enough to make me understand. And I had lost trust in him from his failure to communicate with me, so I didn't know if he was purposely not saying much in hopes of continuing to string me along or if he really has that hard of a time (balling up) communicating his inner thoughts.
Since I never dated anyone in high school and I ended up marring the first real boyfriend that I had, this really is my first breakup. So I spent this past week telling my story to any friend that would listen. Part of it was to vent, part was to get advice, and part was to help ensure that if I were to get a text or a phone call... I wouldn't go back.
Interesting, that everyone that I told all agreed on the same conclusion... men. Guys, you really do have a bad rap. I still don't want to believe it. I still believe in the individual. But there is an overwhelming amount of stories, evidence, patterns in men who do say they are confused and scared and don't know what they want... I know, I Googled it! Yes, I have this overpowering desire to understand... everything that I can. So I read and read and read. They all seemed to say the same thing... he's not into you, he's keeping you on the side in case nothing better comes along, he's not man enough to break up with you himself... But I did come across one article that was different than the others. In many ways in did remind me of the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" and it threw in a different perspective. Read "Why Men Go Hot and Cold" if interested.
So the question is, where do you draw the line? How much time do you give and wait? For me, my time with him is up. Perhaps it is a good thing that he shut down and left me in the dark. It made it easier for me to say good bye.
I have learned so much from this first venture out into the dating world. It is so much different now then when I was 18. However, even though I have learned a great deal, I still feel like I am full of questions.
Although I did not get any detailed apology or explanation, he did finally tell me that he shut down because he became scared and confused about what he wants. My response was that I felt the same way. It didn't excuse his behaviors and the way that he treated me. I told him that all I wanted from him this entire time was for him to be honest with me and he did open up just a tad more and told me that he enjoying seeing and being with me and that made it harder and added on pressure for him. (Let me just say that was he added that pressure, I gave him so much space too much in fact.) As I started to hear more and the fact that he wanted to meet me and explain more, but still couldn't commit to a date and time he just started to really frustrate and upset me. All I could think about was Justin Long's line from "He's Just Not That Into You" when he says "If a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen, no matter what." And that is basically what I told him. I told him that we already know what we need to know, we just need to be true to ourselves and that there was no need to be confused. He just didn't want me and I already knew it. And I said good bye.
When I went back and reread what I posted on Saturday about assuming what he really could be thinking about committing to a relationship with me, there were some things that he said that fit my "theory." He just couldn't explain enough to make me understand. And I had lost trust in him from his failure to communicate with me, so I didn't know if he was purposely not saying much in hopes of continuing to string me along or if he really has that hard of a time (balling up) communicating his inner thoughts.
Since I never dated anyone in high school and I ended up marring the first real boyfriend that I had, this really is my first breakup. So I spent this past week telling my story to any friend that would listen. Part of it was to vent, part was to get advice, and part was to help ensure that if I were to get a text or a phone call... I wouldn't go back.
Interesting, that everyone that I told all agreed on the same conclusion... men. Guys, you really do have a bad rap. I still don't want to believe it. I still believe in the individual. But there is an overwhelming amount of stories, evidence, patterns in men who do say they are confused and scared and don't know what they want... I know, I Googled it! Yes, I have this overpowering desire to understand... everything that I can. So I read and read and read. They all seemed to say the same thing... he's not into you, he's keeping you on the side in case nothing better comes along, he's not man enough to break up with you himself... But I did come across one article that was different than the others. In many ways in did remind me of the book "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" and it threw in a different perspective. Read "Why Men Go Hot and Cold" if interested.
So the question is, where do you draw the line? How much time do you give and wait? For me, my time with him is up. Perhaps it is a good thing that he shut down and left me in the dark. It made it easier for me to say good bye.
I have learned so much from this first venture out into the dating world. It is so much different now then when I was 18. However, even though I have learned a great deal, I still feel like I am full of questions.
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