What a difference time can make. Last year at this time, I was in Las Vegas vacationing... alone. I was just beginning to be able to look ahead to the future as I still was grieving and trying to understand all that had happened only months before. I had just started to dip (just the very tip) of my toes into the world of dating. Although I wasn't ready, it was just the beginning baby steps which were intended to help me to get comfortable with the idea of starting all over again with someone new.
Two years ago, my husband and I were visiting my family as we both had President's week off. This was the week that essentially changed everything. It was during this week that I truly opened my eyes and saw all of the issues and problems in my marriage for what they really were. This was the week that after years of silence, I spoke. I spoke with love and kindness as I wanted for us to be together, but I knew we couldn't go on the way we were. We needed to fix ourselves, both individually and as a couple. What I didn't know at the time was that with each word I spoke, those words untied the knots that my husband had spent years creating. When those knots unraveled, so did his state of mind. Looking back on it now, I feel as though once things were set in motion, they were set in stone. :(
This week, today, right now... I can sit here and smile and truly feel the positive energy that it creates. I don't think that I will ever forget what happened from this time of year each year until May 17, the date in which he died. However, I am confident that with each passing year, the haunting memories will be lessened little by little. And when I think back to what was going on exactly two years ago, it seems like a lifetime ago. It does. So much has happened. So much has changed. I have changed. It is hard to believe that so much can happen and change in such a short amount of time. But it does. And that can be both a blessing and a curse.
But since this blog is intended to keep me guided in the direction towards the light... I do wonder what next year will bring at this time. I look forward to it as I still remain hopeful. I also still remain appreciative of the moment as well as I know that there is also so much to look forward to between then and now as well. What a difference time can make...
Two years ago, my husband and I were visiting my family as we both had President's week off. This was the week that essentially changed everything. It was during this week that I truly opened my eyes and saw all of the issues and problems in my marriage for what they really were. This was the week that after years of silence, I spoke. I spoke with love and kindness as I wanted for us to be together, but I knew we couldn't go on the way we were. We needed to fix ourselves, both individually and as a couple. What I didn't know at the time was that with each word I spoke, those words untied the knots that my husband had spent years creating. When those knots unraveled, so did his state of mind. Looking back on it now, I feel as though once things were set in motion, they were set in stone. :(
This week, today, right now... I can sit here and smile and truly feel the positive energy that it creates. I don't think that I will ever forget what happened from this time of year each year until May 17, the date in which he died. However, I am confident that with each passing year, the haunting memories will be lessened little by little. And when I think back to what was going on exactly two years ago, it seems like a lifetime ago. It does. So much has happened. So much has changed. I have changed. It is hard to believe that so much can happen and change in such a short amount of time. But it does. And that can be both a blessing and a curse.
But since this blog is intended to keep me guided in the direction towards the light... I do wonder what next year will bring at this time. I look forward to it as I still remain hopeful. I also still remain appreciative of the moment as well as I know that there is also so much to look forward to between then and now as well. What a difference time can make...
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