Did you know that the loved ones left behind by the one who commits suicide are called suicide survivors? I remember reading that for the first time and being somewhat shocked by what that term actually meant. I am a suicide survivor.?.
My therapist told me that death by suicide is complicated and therefore leaves us suicide survivors with a complicated grieving process. Even the stages of grief are different. For most, the stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When you lose someone to a suicide, the stages are: Shock, Denial, Guilt, Sadness, Anger, and Acceptance. Some other emotions that may also be exhibited are those of disconnect and the stigma that surrounds a suicide.
Everyone mourns and heals in their own way and in their own time. I have been thinking about my own process lately and I feel as though there are some stages that I haven't full reached and dealt with yet and I am feeling the repercussions of that. I don't feel as if I have skipped any intentionally, I don't know if I would be capable of doing such a mental feat even if I had wanted. I feel more as if I have been protecting myself and enough time has passed and my mind has slowly allowed myself to feel some of the emotions that were so painful that I just wasn't ready.
Although I feel that I am ready, it doesn't make it any easier or less scary. It's amazing how powerful our mind truly is. My mind has been protecting me for years and is very good at it. I think that is part of the reason why I have been able to handle all of the trauma that I have experienced as well as I have. But its time to let go. Perhaps the reason that now is the time is because I am wanting to move on with someone else. But I don't want to move on with someone while I am still being protected in layers. I need to face my fears and shed the emotions that I can. I don't think until then will I truly be able to find all that I think is to be amazing in any future relationships.
My therapist told me that death by suicide is complicated and therefore leaves us suicide survivors with a complicated grieving process. Even the stages of grief are different. For most, the stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. When you lose someone to a suicide, the stages are: Shock, Denial, Guilt, Sadness, Anger, and Acceptance. Some other emotions that may also be exhibited are those of disconnect and the stigma that surrounds a suicide.
Everyone mourns and heals in their own way and in their own time. I have been thinking about my own process lately and I feel as though there are some stages that I haven't full reached and dealt with yet and I am feeling the repercussions of that. I don't feel as if I have skipped any intentionally, I don't know if I would be capable of doing such a mental feat even if I had wanted. I feel more as if I have been protecting myself and enough time has passed and my mind has slowly allowed myself to feel some of the emotions that were so painful that I just wasn't ready.
Although I feel that I am ready, it doesn't make it any easier or less scary. It's amazing how powerful our mind truly is. My mind has been protecting me for years and is very good at it. I think that is part of the reason why I have been able to handle all of the trauma that I have experienced as well as I have. But its time to let go. Perhaps the reason that now is the time is because I am wanting to move on with someone else. But I don't want to move on with someone while I am still being protected in layers. I need to face my fears and shed the emotions that I can. I don't think until then will I truly be able to find all that I think is to be amazing in any future relationships.
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