2 Years

Two years ago today marked my husband's last day, hours, minutes, seconds of life.  Even though on paper it is May 17th which marks his date of death, today is the toughest of all days.  He was found shortly after midnight so I know that his passing occurred sometime around this time of night on this day.  This is a day where there is no silver lining to be found.  It is a day that I wish could be erased, much like the 13th floor from a building. Instead it is a day that will haunt me year after year. 

Today was and I know tomorrow will be a quiet day.  Quiet... as if I were in a bubble.  The rest of the world is continuing on and I am a part of it, but everything seems muted.  I feel like I am going through the motions and everything else is only scratching at the surface.  I'm not sure how else to describe it.  These two days  are both very long days as well as my hoping of them passing quickly seems to slow the pace.  I have decided to go to work tomorrow for that reason.  Last year I took the day off and spent it with my son.  It was a gorgeous day and we spent most of it outdoors.  But it was a long, somber day despite being grateful for having such a beautiful day to spend with my son.  I am hoping that keeping busy will help keep my mind distracted and to help time pass more quickly. 

Two years... it's hard to believe it has been that long, yet it seems like forever since I have seen him, felt him, and heard his voice. 

Breathe...