Thursday, May 30, 2013

Money, Money, Money

Here's a topic I have yet to post about but it is something that has been on my mind as of late.  If you read my last post, this one piggy backs off of my thoughts and feelings about a new phase of life that I will soon be entering in with my son... the school age years!

One thing that I have mentioned about money is that I am very fortunate to have a stable and decent paying job.  It is because of this that I have also been fortunate enough to have the option to stay where I am and to maintain a lifestyle very similar to the one that I had when there were two incomes.  Another great benefit of being a teacher is our pensions and the retirement fund options that we have.  So when I think long term money wise, I think I am okay.  Or let me rephrase... I think I am in good shape considering that I have not lived at home with my parents since I was a junior in college, I was married at a young age of 23, moved down and up the east coast, bought and sold a house, and am now a single mother living in New York City.  My father taught me well and his advice was always "pay yourself first."  So I have, to the best that I could under whatever my circumstances may have been at any given time.  Thanks Dad!

Short term, I do have a small pot of savings that I keep for emergency purposes only.  And I am proud that I really kept my hands off of it.  I haven't even touched it for any of my trips, although I had been very, very tempted to! 

I also try to have another savings pot, this one I'd call my "penny wise, pound foolish" pot.  I'd like to be able to save a bit each month so that I could use that money to buy... a new Apple Desktop!  Or... a new Coach bag!  I don't know... something fun and "reckless."  But, this savings sees very little action... nothing is going in, so nothing can come out.  This leads to my every so often panic attacks about money.  Now, these are not true panic attacks, but I get a little obsessive and worried about money from time to time.  So when this happens, I make lists, lol.  I rebudget.  I try to cut out unneeded expenses.  And then... it passes, phew.

I just had one of these episodes because (like I mentioned in my previous post) I feel like I am at a pivotal point now where I need to make some very important (long term) decisions about the future for my son and myself. And sad but true, so much rides on money. 

Financial security, savings, and retirement are all important.  But living is also important.  It's tough sometimes to find the balance of living a life that you want to live, but within your means as well.  Next year, when my son does finally go to kindergarten, there will be more money available since I will no longer need to pay for full time day care.  What do I do with that?  Save for future needs and wants... or put that into moving and rent and live a life day to day that we want to live (in a neighborhood with a great school of course!)?  I just don't know!!  I'm hoping that one day soon, I will just wake up with a decision made and know exactly what to do without any questions or regrets.

To take this post a bit further, are you wondering how I do it?  A single mom teacher in New York City?  My son does receive social security.  It is not an exuberant amount, but it is modest amount.  That is what I use to pay his day care tuition.  Part of the reason why I have chosen and kept him in the day care that he is in is because the cost is so much cheaper compared to the majority of the day cares in NYC.  This allows me to save money for him as well.  I am so proud that just tonight I have saved enough for him in two years, to open up a 5 digit CD for him.  My parents sacrificed so much for myself and my brother and sister to make sure that we all had a decent pot of savings and I want to make sure that I do the same for my son as well.

I think this is also important to mention.  I wish I had thought about this more and had been better prepared for any tragedy that might have happened, life insurance.  This was never a topic my husband and I discussed.  For me, I never wanted my husband to take comfort in knowing that we would be taken care of financially should he ever decide to take his life.  What I didn't realize was that I could have signed up for a life insurance policy at work that would cover a spouse's death as well without him ever knowing.  However, I was always so hopeful and optimistic that he never ever would.  So I didn't prepare for that nor did I think there would be a pay out should the cause of death be a suicide.  However, it can happen.  I think that is so important for people to know, just in case someone is in a position like I was in.  It was completely unexpected, but my husband had just started a new job only weeks before his death.  This new job automatically gave him a life insurance policy.  One that I don't even think he was aware of.  Again, it is not an exuberant amount, it is a modest amount.  But I cannot even begin to describe the feeling when I found that it had been deposited into my account.  Flat, just a flat feeling.  What do you do with it?  I paid for the funeral.  :(  And the rest is untouched.

Money is such a weird thing.  It has way too much power over us.   The only good thing is that power can be used for good, just as it can be used for evil. 

Money has inspired me to seriously consider doing something.  I am nervous and unsure.  But I am very, very excited too!


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