It has been over a year since I have entered into the dating world. Before I did, I made sure that I truly felt ready by being both mentally and emotionally healthy. I explored and discovered myself so that I knew who I was so that I wouldn't get lost and would stay true to myself. I explored and discovered my own thoughts and beliefs on love and relationships based on my own experiences, experiences of others, and even books that I read. Last year I was optimistic. I was focused. I knew what I was searching for and wasn't going to let jerks or bad experiences get in the way... they were just a learning means to an end. An amazing end.
This year I teeter back and forth on optimism. I am not as focused. I know what I am searching for but I am not enjoying the process. I feel like I am learning and gaining something from each experience, but I am ready for the process to end. I miss having someone by my side. I am adding pressure to the situation and its taking away any of the fun that could potentially be had.
Last year when I heard "horror" stories about dating and men, I listened but I felt like I let it go right out the other ear. I knew I wasn't going to be pardoned from any of those potential disasters, but I felt that I was coming from a different place as well. I felt as if I held a different perspective. I didn't want to be negative. Now when I hear these stories, I feel like I have some of my own to contribute as well. The negativity has started to seep in and I don't like it.
I don't want to lose my dating optimism and focus because things don't seem to be going the way that I would like them to go. One of the worst mistakes that I have made was to Google relationships. When I began dating, I did so with the belief that I was going to follow my heart and listen to my gut. I didn't know what the dating "rules" were and I had no interest in learning or following them. I have to admit that I have been tainted a bit, sadly it comes more so from stories that I have heard and read from women, not the men that I have met myself.
This is my post to kick me in the ass. I want to go back to my roots. I want to follow my own path and my own heart. I need to take my own risks and make my own mistakes. That is the only way that I am going to find what I am looking for. Heartfelt advice is welcomed and appreciated, but in the end it has to be all me...
This year I teeter back and forth on optimism. I am not as focused. I know what I am searching for but I am not enjoying the process. I feel like I am learning and gaining something from each experience, but I am ready for the process to end. I miss having someone by my side. I am adding pressure to the situation and its taking away any of the fun that could potentially be had.
Last year when I heard "horror" stories about dating and men, I listened but I felt like I let it go right out the other ear. I knew I wasn't going to be pardoned from any of those potential disasters, but I felt that I was coming from a different place as well. I felt as if I held a different perspective. I didn't want to be negative. Now when I hear these stories, I feel like I have some of my own to contribute as well. The negativity has started to seep in and I don't like it.
I don't want to lose my dating optimism and focus because things don't seem to be going the way that I would like them to go. One of the worst mistakes that I have made was to Google relationships. When I began dating, I did so with the belief that I was going to follow my heart and listen to my gut. I didn't know what the dating "rules" were and I had no interest in learning or following them. I have to admit that I have been tainted a bit, sadly it comes more so from stories that I have heard and read from women, not the men that I have met myself.
This is my post to kick me in the ass. I want to go back to my roots. I want to follow my own path and my own heart. I need to take my own risks and make my own mistakes. That is the only way that I am going to find what I am looking for. Heartfelt advice is welcomed and appreciated, but in the end it has to be all me...
| "Follow your own heart, regardless of what others tell you to do. When all is said and done, it’s you who has to live with your decisions and how your heart feels about it." |
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