"When you look too far ahead into the future, it's easy to forget the moment you're in and to lose appreciation for the only thing in life that is certain... what is before you in the present time of now."
-Me
This was the post that I had wanted to write on Friday. But I had not yet shared what had been going on with the New Yorker and how I was feeling. However, had I posted this on Friday, I wouldn't have come up with my very own quote and the last post prior to Friday, does not end with the way this one began as "At Any Other Time" does. However, I have to admit that writing the past couple of posts were a bit difficult in that I wanted to write them how I felt before Friday, unbiased. See, Friday changed things a bit.
He flew out Wednesday night to visit some friends for an extended long weekend. Great! He went to Seattle and I was really excited for him because I had just been there myself and loved it. I was also happy because I wanted to be able to show him that I respect his freedom because my own is so important.
Before he flew out on Wednesday, he had asked if I'd like to go to a concert with him at the end of February. That's over a month away! Why do I mention this? Well it was half of the inspiration for my quote. The other half...
His texts were sporadic, at times I didn't get a response for hours or even the next day. They were different too. I wasn't expecting mushy, but if I was only going to get one I didn't want the status of his hangover. I did get a text from him on Friday apologizing for disappearing, blaming it on his intoxication.
I'm a thinker. I'm a processor. I'm an analyzer. I am still in self protection mode. And, I had all weekend to think about this. I am still getting to know him. I am still learning about who he is and how he works. What I have issue with is that I was treated differently. I didn't need, want, or expect texts all day every day. I just wanted him to act/text like he did when he was here. When he was here and went out with friends, he would laugh and tell me not to answer the phone, that he may say too much under the influence. Away, he distanced himself even further and disappeared. And his reason is not an excuse that I find acceptable, cute, or impressive. Even more than that, it is one that took me completely by surprise. I didn't expect that from him.
This is not a deal breaker, but we took a step back. We need to talk. I need to let him know how that made me feel. I need him to be consistent so that I can trust him. There is no point in looking ahead if the it's not right in the now.
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