Sunday, January 19, 2014

Houses

I'm not quite sure when it began, but for some time now I have been having dreams about houses.  In each dream it is a different house.  In each dream it is a large house.  In each dream I am moving in or renovating it.  In each dream the house is empty.  In each dream the house never feels like home.  In each dream the house is scary... not haunted, but unsettling to me.

For the most part, these dreams are rather uneventful.  I don't remember much about them other than these homes tend to be old, big, and empty.  In these dreams, I have plans for the house, but I have yet to see these plans ever take place.  There are people in my dreams, mainly my family.  But, I do not recall the conversations within the dream.

There were a couple of dreams that stand out as in I remember details about them other than just the fact I had another house dream.  There was one however that just frightened me and I woke up spooked.  This was the dream that I had while my son staying with my parent's and I was home alone, just a couple of weeks ago.  I didn't give many details in "Back to Normal."  But, I would like to share more now.

I remember I had just moved into a new house.  This one house was different than most of my other dreams because this house didn't feel old.  It was big, but it was airy and light.  The architecture seemed more simple.  But, it there were lots of white walls and lots of sun light.  My sister was in this dream too.  So was Dale. I remember being outside in my new neighborhood and hearing that he was nearby.  In my dream, I knew that I needed to get home as soon as possible, because he was mad at me.  Angry.  In my dreams that I have had with Dale, I am always fully aware that he is dead.  In this dream, I don't think I was aware of that.  All I knew was that I was scared and I didn't want to see him.  The next scene in this dream was that I was in that house, getting ready to go out.  I remember that I thought my sister was in the house with me.  When I found out she wasn't, I was a bit uneasy about being there alone.  Then the doorbell rang.  I panicked.  I was immediately frightened that it was Dale and that he was going to come in.  I remember sprinting to the front door completely terrified because I knew it was unlocked.  And when I got there, the door was open.  However, the person who stood before me wasn't Dale, it was a contractor.  He was coming to paint.  I woke up at this point and was upset.  It took me a long time to fall back to sleep, and when I did, it was with the lights on. :(

Last Saturday was my next house dream.  In this dream I was again in an old, large house.  This one was very tall with many floors.  This house also had an attic and a winding staircase leading to them.  This staircase went on for a couple of floors.  It was in poor condition as well.  I don't remember much about the rest of this house, but only the nervousness that I felt every time I went up to the attic.  At the time and even after I immediately woke up, I remember what I did in the attic.  Now, I remember very little.  I remember walking up the stairs with someone and I remember a man and a child in the attic one time too, but it wasn't scary or creepy in the dream.  What I also remember about climbing these stairs was that each time I did, the hallway was becoming lighter and lighter.  I remember at one point someone that was walking upstairs with me said to someone else what a great job I was doing decorating my way all the way up to the attic.  (Even though I don't remember ever seeing the rest of the house that I assumed did a great job redecorating?.?)  And that was it.

When I woke up on Sunday morning, I decided to Google the meaning of dreaming about a house.  I had enough of them that I was curious to find out what some believe it to mean.  This is what I read from Dream Moods...

Your dream house is symbolic of the Self, while the rooms inside the house relate to various aspects of the Self and to the many facets of your personality. The attic refers to the mind, while the basement represents the subconscious.

To see an attic in your dream represents hidden memories or repressed thoughts that is being revealed. It also symbolizes your mind, spirituality, and your connection to the higher Self. Alternatively, it signifies difficulties in your life that may hinder you from attaining your goals and aspirations. However, after a long period of struggle, you will overcome these difficulties. 
  To see a cluttered attic in your dream, is a sign to organize your mind and thoughts.    Perhaps, you need to rid yourself of the past and let go of the past emotions that are holding you back. 
  
After I read that, it made sense to me and I couldn't help but to believe that there is truth in the meaning behind our dreams.  It made complete sense, especially these last two.  In the scary dream, I was in a new house, which is representative of starting a new phase of your life.  And... I am becoming more emotionally mature :).  I had this dream in the midst of the week that I was able to spend both days and nights with my New Yorker, the first time I was able to spend that significant amount of time with anyone.  It would be and it is scary to think that the past (represented by Dale) and the turmoil of it could enter into this new phase and ruin it in some way.  So not wanting him to enter that new, clean, fresh house makes perfect sense.

As far as what I took from the attic dream, that one occurred last weekend.  Last weekend I was in the midst of my doubt and worry about my New Yorker.  When I read that dreaming about the attic could represent the need to let go of the past and the emotions from that that are keeping me back, it made me think about what I was so bothered by what happened with the New Yorker.

Fear.  My greatest fear in being part of a relationship is to wake up one day and find myself completely unhappy.  Not just unhappy, but in such an awful relationship that I wonder how I ever could have allowed myself to get to that point.  I am afraid to find myself in such a bad relationship that it makes me doubt why I ever I needed to leave Dale.  Which is what I did.  When I realized that stepping away was what I needed to do for all three of us, I did it.  I had to and I know that I did.  However,  I am terrified to one day wake up and doubt the decision that led to such tragedy.

So I am was on (explain soon!) high alert for any warning signs that could potentially put me up face to face with a fear that I should never have to face. 

I hope soon that I will have a dream in which my house is a home and that it is filled with every one and everything that I love the most. 


No comments:

Post a Comment