Friday I realized that I was in a relationship that I could no longer take part in. My final straw was the absence of a response to my question about the dinner I was going to make for a (still up in the air) dinner date over the weekend. The reason no longer mattered because it had been one too many times. Even if it was a legitimate reason, I would have accepted that the universe had different plans for us.
So over the weekend, starting with Friday, I used this blog to help prepare me and to help keep me focused so that I would be able to walk away. It is such a difficult thing to do. I truly liked this guy, but as I posted in Someone Special he really was running on the fumes of the wonderful man that I meant in October. We did have a day, a moment in November when we shared a deeper level of ourselves when we revealed some of our life's stories to one another. That too helped to contribute to my willingness to give him the benefit of the doubt and to give him space and patience because I felt an understanding, a connection. And combining that with who I thought he was from October, I thought he deserved that. But honestly, he had not been so wonderful since. He didn't prove to be the opposite. He just put in enough to keep me wondering and I did. As I posted on Friday in As Is that's all I wanted. I just wanted to know who he was because as time moved on, I felt as though I knew him less and less.
Saturday, I made my list of needs and wants because I knew I needed to check and see where he fell and he was coming up short on my list of needs. I texted him that night and told him that he made me feel like I fit in best when convenient. To me, that was my "I've had enough" text to him because that is unacceptable. He responded the next morning and said he wanted to talk about it and he'd get back to me ASAP to figure out the where and when to do this in person. That night I reflected on the journey that I have taken over the past year and a half. Like my list of needs and wants, what I have discovered and learned along the way is not something that I will push aside for anyone. It's part of my perspective and views on life, it's a part of me. So when ASAP was not any sooner than Monday night, I called. No answer. I left a message telling him that I just need to hear something from him. I told him that I met a wonderful man back in October but that I felt like I didn't know who he was and that's all I had wanted. It took me texting him Tuesday morning with a "Give me some type of acknowledgement" text to finally get a response. He apologized and said he was planning on texting me later that day. That day and night came and went. But Wednesday, I finally got the closure I needed and wanted...
"Have a great day! So sorry about the commute this morning. I love you and so glad I got to see you last night!" This was the text I received Wednesday morning. I did not see him Tuesday night.
So I was texting the "I'm the other woman, that makes so much sense" text. I received one from him stating that his best friend from California was in town and it was for her. "I don't want you to think anything." Uhhhh..... I am sure you don't want me to think anything. As his "girlfriend" why wouldn't that have been mentioned? Why wouldn't you want to introduce me to your best friend? Why couldn't you make the slightest contact to me in the past few days when you can send a such a thoughtful text to someone else?
Those questions I didn't ask. I didn't care what the answers were. What I finally had was closure and I felt some relief because now everything seemed to make sense and fit. That is what I texted back to him. I also added on that it is the little things that matter most (hence last night's post title). His failure to acknowledge me over the weekend combined with the times he had done it before (but which I gave him the benefit of the doubt because it was not a pattern yet and I believed he truly was going through some tough times) took its toll and I no longer trusted him. He responded with an apology and that its not what it appears. He told me he was not trying to hurt me and that he wanted to talk. That was at 11:00 am yesterday. I have heard absolutely nothing from him. If there was a shred of truth, I would think it would be natural to defend one's own good name.
Even though I had already decided that I couldn't go on in this relationship that was completely stagnant, this was not the closure I had expected. I actually wondered and was worried that he may be suffering from depression. There are some things that were said and actions that made me wonder. Add to that some of the things going on in his life, it would have made sense. But this was all before I discovered that I have no idea now what he ever said to me that was true.
What a way to get back into the game. This was such a dramatic four months and it was all his. He can keep it. I am done. I have my closure and oh, it hurts, but atleast now I can move on without the wonder.
So over the weekend, starting with Friday, I used this blog to help prepare me and to help keep me focused so that I would be able to walk away. It is such a difficult thing to do. I truly liked this guy, but as I posted in Someone Special he really was running on the fumes of the wonderful man that I meant in October. We did have a day, a moment in November when we shared a deeper level of ourselves when we revealed some of our life's stories to one another. That too helped to contribute to my willingness to give him the benefit of the doubt and to give him space and patience because I felt an understanding, a connection. And combining that with who I thought he was from October, I thought he deserved that. But honestly, he had not been so wonderful since. He didn't prove to be the opposite. He just put in enough to keep me wondering and I did. As I posted on Friday in As Is that's all I wanted. I just wanted to know who he was because as time moved on, I felt as though I knew him less and less.
Saturday, I made my list of needs and wants because I knew I needed to check and see where he fell and he was coming up short on my list of needs. I texted him that night and told him that he made me feel like I fit in best when convenient. To me, that was my "I've had enough" text to him because that is unacceptable. He responded the next morning and said he wanted to talk about it and he'd get back to me ASAP to figure out the where and when to do this in person. That night I reflected on the journey that I have taken over the past year and a half. Like my list of needs and wants, what I have discovered and learned along the way is not something that I will push aside for anyone. It's part of my perspective and views on life, it's a part of me. So when ASAP was not any sooner than Monday night, I called. No answer. I left a message telling him that I just need to hear something from him. I told him that I met a wonderful man back in October but that I felt like I didn't know who he was and that's all I had wanted. It took me texting him Tuesday morning with a "Give me some type of acknowledgement" text to finally get a response. He apologized and said he was planning on texting me later that day. That day and night came and went. But Wednesday, I finally got the closure I needed and wanted...
"Have a great day! So sorry about the commute this morning. I love you and so glad I got to see you last night!" This was the text I received Wednesday morning. I did not see him Tuesday night.
So I was texting the "I'm the other woman, that makes so much sense" text. I received one from him stating that his best friend from California was in town and it was for her. "I don't want you to think anything." Uhhhh..... I am sure you don't want me to think anything. As his "girlfriend" why wouldn't that have been mentioned? Why wouldn't you want to introduce me to your best friend? Why couldn't you make the slightest contact to me in the past few days when you can send a such a thoughtful text to someone else?
Those questions I didn't ask. I didn't care what the answers were. What I finally had was closure and I felt some relief because now everything seemed to make sense and fit. That is what I texted back to him. I also added on that it is the little things that matter most (hence last night's post title). His failure to acknowledge me over the weekend combined with the times he had done it before (but which I gave him the benefit of the doubt because it was not a pattern yet and I believed he truly was going through some tough times) took its toll and I no longer trusted him. He responded with an apology and that its not what it appears. He told me he was not trying to hurt me and that he wanted to talk. That was at 11:00 am yesterday. I have heard absolutely nothing from him. If there was a shred of truth, I would think it would be natural to defend one's own good name.
Even though I had already decided that I couldn't go on in this relationship that was completely stagnant, this was not the closure I had expected. I actually wondered and was worried that he may be suffering from depression. There are some things that were said and actions that made me wonder. Add to that some of the things going on in his life, it would have made sense. But this was all before I discovered that I have no idea now what he ever said to me that was true.
What a way to get back into the game. This was such a dramatic four months and it was all his. He can keep it. I am done. I have my closure and oh, it hurts, but atleast now I can move on without the wonder.
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