It has been quite awhile since I have posted about my adventures in dating. Truth is I have been in what feels like a standstill (Hmmm... wonder if that has contributed to my thoughts in Lost in Transition!?!).
At the end of September I met a man who I thought was wonderful (Yes, he was the inspiration for Sharing, A Touch of Warmth, Kinks, and the last of The Fab Four.) We went out a bunch of times and I had such a great time with him. As I had described him before, he was comfortable to be around, he was interesting, and he was just very attractive in every way. With him I felt in the moment and I was happy. Even though I had some of my own issues and kinks to deal with since he was the first person to enter into my life that I wanted to try and have a relationship with, October was a great month with him! Ironic that one of my issues back then was how I felt guilty that everything seemed so easy with him. Since October, nothing has been easy...
At the end of the month he got some devastating news about the health of a very close family member. Cancer. Not too long after that, a terrible incident occurred which did involve an ex. Unfortunately, I could relate in many ways to this and I couldn't help but to feel more connected to him. However, the stress of everything that had happened started to take its toll. I started to see less and less of him. We kept in touch via texting, but between busy schedules, the holidays, and life circumstances, we only saw each other once in November. And I saw him again once in the beginning of December.
Although I could see the big picture and I knew that it wasn't personal, his actions were effecting me as I was put on the back burner (and probably rightly so) but, the issue that I had was that he wasn't communicating with me. So I decided to do what my first gut reaction was to do back in November and that was to step away. The reason I didn't do it back in November was because I felt like I was reliving the same thoughts and reactions as I had with my husband when I wanted to step away so that we could take care of ourselves individually first. I didn't want to have to do this again. I was hoping that I didn't have to, but as it turned out, I did. And I think he felt relieved.
So in the middle of December, I walked away on good terms with a man that I still thought of as wonderful, but just one whose life turned sideways on him and he had to straighten it up. I went back online and surprisingly found myself with a date just a few days later. Well, that date never happened. I had gotten sick and had to cancel and then I went away for a week for Christmas. Honestly, I did want to go out, but as the one date wonder again, lol. I had no interest in this turning into something, but I got the feeling he was looking for more, so I couldn't reschedule.
When I got back, just before New Year's, I got a text... and we met up and talked. His spirits were lifted and he seemed like the guy that I met back in October. He wanted to try again. We left that option open, and I wanted that too. It has been 15 days since I have seen him. He got sick and then my son was sick. And now....?
He made such an amazing impression in October, that I've let him run on the fumes of that for the past three months. But, I have to admit, they are wearing. One thing we did decide that we both needed to take things slowly. We are both busy people, and especially for me, I wanted to make sure that I don't get so caught up that I lose myself in a relationship, so slow worked for me. But between that and random life events, I don't think we are even at a snail's pace. I feel that spark fading as we haven't been able to build much in the absence of one another.
I have worked so hard to keep moving forward. I didn't at first, but now I feel like this "thing" is stalling and it's not in any moment. I feel that since there have been so many outside circumstances that have made the timing for us not work, that we needed to be more active in creating circumstances in which we could work. That takes more effort. I am not so sure he is putting that extra effort and I need, want, and deserve to be with someone who will. So, I'll wait only until the end of this week to see if he comes through or not. If he doesn't and there is no moving on with him, that won't take away the fact that he helped me to move on mentally in so many other ways. But, I do hope that he will. I'd like to have the opportunity to see where and what kind of relationship could develop with the man who helped me open up so many doors. Either way, he is someone special.
At the end of September I met a man who I thought was wonderful (Yes, he was the inspiration for Sharing, A Touch of Warmth, Kinks, and the last of The Fab Four.) We went out a bunch of times and I had such a great time with him. As I had described him before, he was comfortable to be around, he was interesting, and he was just very attractive in every way. With him I felt in the moment and I was happy. Even though I had some of my own issues and kinks to deal with since he was the first person to enter into my life that I wanted to try and have a relationship with, October was a great month with him! Ironic that one of my issues back then was how I felt guilty that everything seemed so easy with him. Since October, nothing has been easy...
At the end of the month he got some devastating news about the health of a very close family member. Cancer. Not too long after that, a terrible incident occurred which did involve an ex. Unfortunately, I could relate in many ways to this and I couldn't help but to feel more connected to him. However, the stress of everything that had happened started to take its toll. I started to see less and less of him. We kept in touch via texting, but between busy schedules, the holidays, and life circumstances, we only saw each other once in November. And I saw him again once in the beginning of December.
Although I could see the big picture and I knew that it wasn't personal, his actions were effecting me as I was put on the back burner (and probably rightly so) but, the issue that I had was that he wasn't communicating with me. So I decided to do what my first gut reaction was to do back in November and that was to step away. The reason I didn't do it back in November was because I felt like I was reliving the same thoughts and reactions as I had with my husband when I wanted to step away so that we could take care of ourselves individually first. I didn't want to have to do this again. I was hoping that I didn't have to, but as it turned out, I did. And I think he felt relieved.
So in the middle of December, I walked away on good terms with a man that I still thought of as wonderful, but just one whose life turned sideways on him and he had to straighten it up. I went back online and surprisingly found myself with a date just a few days later. Well, that date never happened. I had gotten sick and had to cancel and then I went away for a week for Christmas. Honestly, I did want to go out, but as the one date wonder again, lol. I had no interest in this turning into something, but I got the feeling he was looking for more, so I couldn't reschedule.
When I got back, just before New Year's, I got a text... and we met up and talked. His spirits were lifted and he seemed like the guy that I met back in October. He wanted to try again. We left that option open, and I wanted that too. It has been 15 days since I have seen him. He got sick and then my son was sick. And now....?
He made such an amazing impression in October, that I've let him run on the fumes of that for the past three months. But, I have to admit, they are wearing. One thing we did decide that we both needed to take things slowly. We are both busy people, and especially for me, I wanted to make sure that I don't get so caught up that I lose myself in a relationship, so slow worked for me. But between that and random life events, I don't think we are even at a snail's pace. I feel that spark fading as we haven't been able to build much in the absence of one another.
I have worked so hard to keep moving forward. I didn't at first, but now I feel like this "thing" is stalling and it's not in any moment. I feel that since there have been so many outside circumstances that have made the timing for us not work, that we needed to be more active in creating circumstances in which we could work. That takes more effort. I am not so sure he is putting that extra effort and I need, want, and deserve to be with someone who will. So, I'll wait only until the end of this week to see if he comes through or not. If he doesn't and there is no moving on with him, that won't take away the fact that he helped me to move on mentally in so many other ways. But, I do hope that he will. I'd like to have the opportunity to see where and what kind of relationship could develop with the man who helped me open up so many doors. Either way, he is someone special.
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