On the one year anniversary of my husband's death, I spent the entire day alone with my son. My son and I spent the day at the park. I did not want to start any traditions for this day with my son. I wanted to make it as simple as possible. I wanted it to be a day that appreciated the simplest pleasures in life, and it was.
I don't know if it was the release of emotions for the past two weeks, pouring out my heart on this blog over the past few days, or a spiritual presence, but I felt as if I a blanket of peace had been laid upon me that day. I still felt the hurt and sadness, but I also felt a certain quiet that seemed to slow things down and it took the edge off a bit.
My son was an absolute sweetheart on Thursday. He is still so young and doesn't understand, but it was as if he somehow knew the significance of this day. He had hugs for me all day long, hugs that were just random and hugs that I didn't even have to ask for. In some ways it was bittersweet because he was so happy that day. He had smiles all day long and laughed and laughed. It was hard to not to become effected by this mood of his and he completely lifted my spirits.
I say I was alone on this day, but there was an out pour of love and warm thoughts that were sent our way on Thursday. Whether it was a phone call, a text message, or a bouquet of fruits, I knew that my son and I were in other's thoughts and prayers and that we really were not alone. <3
Although I did not start a tradition on this day with my son. I did start one of my own. I bought a very nice leather bound journal. I decided that each year, I would write to my husband as if I were talking to him. I felt that this might be a positive release for me and I also felt that years from now, when my son is older this might be a piece that will be meaningful to him. It may answer some questions that he may have, it may help him to understand, it may bring him peace, or even a smile brought upon by a memory. I am not sure, but this is something that I do want to do each year.
I feel as though my writing today is not very eloquent and focused. These past few days have exhausted me mentally and today is the first day in a few that I actually feel like I have some energy. So this is where I will end for tonight.
Year one. The fastest and slowest year of my life.
I don't know if it was the release of emotions for the past two weeks, pouring out my heart on this blog over the past few days, or a spiritual presence, but I felt as if I a blanket of peace had been laid upon me that day. I still felt the hurt and sadness, but I also felt a certain quiet that seemed to slow things down and it took the edge off a bit.
My son was an absolute sweetheart on Thursday. He is still so young and doesn't understand, but it was as if he somehow knew the significance of this day. He had hugs for me all day long, hugs that were just random and hugs that I didn't even have to ask for. In some ways it was bittersweet because he was so happy that day. He had smiles all day long and laughed and laughed. It was hard to not to become effected by this mood of his and he completely lifted my spirits.
I say I was alone on this day, but there was an out pour of love and warm thoughts that were sent our way on Thursday. Whether it was a phone call, a text message, or a bouquet of fruits, I knew that my son and I were in other's thoughts and prayers and that we really were not alone. <3
Although I did not start a tradition on this day with my son. I did start one of my own. I bought a very nice leather bound journal. I decided that each year, I would write to my husband as if I were talking to him. I felt that this might be a positive release for me and I also felt that years from now, when my son is older this might be a piece that will be meaningful to him. It may answer some questions that he may have, it may help him to understand, it may bring him peace, or even a smile brought upon by a memory. I am not sure, but this is something that I do want to do each year.
I feel as though my writing today is not very eloquent and focused. These past few days have exhausted me mentally and today is the first day in a few that I actually feel like I have some energy. So this is where I will end for tonight.
Year one. The fastest and slowest year of my life.
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