Tree of Life

Autumnal Maple
Zeb Andrews

I began this blog as a therapeutic measure to help keep me in a good place as I set out on this journey into my new life with so much confusion, heartache, loneliness, and sadness from having to experience the tragic loss of my husband.  When I first began, I had two journals.  One that held the utter pain and confusion for the path my life had taken.  And this, Glimmering Through Aspen, the place that didn't forget all of the hurt, but a place that could see the light as well.  This blog held the hope and optimism that was within me, but allowed me to release it so that it could come to life.

They say that time heals all wounds.  I do believe that time has been a good friend in the process of healing.  I do not believe that these wounds will ever go away completely.  There is a hole, an absence, that no amount of future happiness will ever be able to fill.  This is not a bleak outlook.  It is a realistic outlook and one that I do not mind accepting because that hole, was created by a man that I truly loved.  He was my husband and the father of our child who is the the absolute light of my everyday.

Whether it has been time or the breath of life in my words, but I am in a good place.  Part of my healing process is finding myself.  One thing that I have become quite aware of is in fact myself.  Self-awareness has been significant in my healing because I have been able to recognize patterns and thoughts and where they might lead.  I am also aware of my resources and where to go, what to do, and whom to seek out when I feel myself going down a path that I don't want to go.  I do not repress my thoughts or feelings.  I let them come.  I have grown to the point where I can feel them fully, deal with it, and let it go.  I have not gotten stuck in a long time. I also seek out this blog more so than my journal, and I have done so for quite some time now.

The day is approaching.  The day that marks that it has been one year since my husband passed away.  The anticipation of this day is weighing heavily.  I feel that I have come to the point on this blog where I do not want to seek out my journal for the thoughts, feelings, and memories that will be pouring in over the next 11 days.  I am not sure what will come and where they will take me, but I am hoping that I can use this forum to look back on my life with a brave, yet genuine smile.