This month of May, which holds the day that changed so many of the lives of people that I know, is a month that I felt was the time to share in more detail the story of us. What I have shared in the past five months is the story of me. It holds my thoughts, my perspectives, my discoveries, my pain, my fears, and my hopes. However, as I reread all of my postings starting from December, I realized that in those words, I have already begun to share the story of us. It is my hope that what I have shared with you so far was a story of my life that was filled with a great amount of happiness and love.
I believe that love is part of the reason why it has taken me a year, a year of questioning, a year of grieving, and a year of healing to be able to complete the story of us. My love for my husband was always present just as it is now. I feel that in this past year, my experiences have brought out from within me a woman who is strong, confident, and one who can speak her mind and express herself in a way that is honest, genuine, and dignified. I needed to feel comfortable and confident in my abilities to share my story for two reasons, my love for my husband and for the love of my son.
My husband will live on forever with me, with our son, and with the many people who were touched by having him in their lives. However, the sad truth is that his story is over. There will be no more experiences, no more laughs, no more memories made by him or with him. So in the next two days, I have decided to remove the armor and to share with you how our story ended. I have decided this because of my confidence to do so in a manner that will bring to light the reality of what is now only my life. There is more to my story to be written and I feel that if it is to be written in a way that will bring me peace and happiness, I do need to let this go. Sharing only the beginning, only the end, or only the bits and pieces of the in between does not do justice. I need to share the whole story so that I can move on in a healthy way. There is one more step in my healing process that I need to reach. I am not ready for it yet, but after the conclusion of our story, I will be that much closer.
I believe that love is part of the reason why it has taken me a year, a year of questioning, a year of grieving, and a year of healing to be able to complete the story of us. My love for my husband was always present just as it is now. I feel that in this past year, my experiences have brought out from within me a woman who is strong, confident, and one who can speak her mind and express herself in a way that is honest, genuine, and dignified. I needed to feel comfortable and confident in my abilities to share my story for two reasons, my love for my husband and for the love of my son.
My husband will live on forever with me, with our son, and with the many people who were touched by having him in their lives. However, the sad truth is that his story is over. There will be no more experiences, no more laughs, no more memories made by him or with him. So in the next two days, I have decided to remove the armor and to share with you how our story ended. I have decided this because of my confidence to do so in a manner that will bring to light the reality of what is now only my life. There is more to my story to be written and I feel that if it is to be written in a way that will bring me peace and happiness, I do need to let this go. Sharing only the beginning, only the end, or only the bits and pieces of the in between does not do justice. I need to share the whole story so that I can move on in a healthy way. There is one more step in my healing process that I need to reach. I am not ready for it yet, but after the conclusion of our story, I will be that much closer.
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