Earlier this month I had questioned my readiness in really, truly moving on. I know that I miss having a significant other in my life. I also know that it is possible to be with someone other than my husband and for that not to be awkward or painful, but that it can be something wonderful. However, after a recent date (#9 from yesterday's post) that I thought went well, I concluded that it is easier to have bad dates. It's easier to know that you see no future there. It's easier to walk away. It's easier to move on. And in my case, it has been in moving on to the next one night date (and let me stress that word, lol).
I decided that I was going to take a very open approach. I was open to meeting a variety of men. Obviously I have communicated with plenty more than I have physically gone out with, but in just dates alone, I have gone out with two Asian men, a Latino man, an African American man, and a few white men. I have been stood up by a Native American man and an Iranian man. With that variety of ethnicities, it has also brought about a variety of religious beliefs and overall a variety of life experiences. What I have learned is that there are cultural difference and even though I can respect them all, it doesn't mean that some are meant for me. I also learned that just because someone looks good on paper, it doesn't mean that they are good for me in actuality.
I have also tried to be open and not close doors based solely on appearances. There were some instances when I just couldn't... but there have been many times when I stepped outside of myself and gave chance to someone who didn't strike me with their looks. However, what I have learned is that those men were not any better in character to make up for their lack in good looks. I also learned that it doesn't make me shallow when I am just drawn toward a particular type of man. There are just some physical qualities that appeal to me and that attraction is not only important, but its necessary for me to have in a relationship.
Jesse has been my exception in both of these cases. I don't think that I ever would have initiated first based on his profile description or pictures. He looked very different in person to me than he did in his photos. And what a surprise it was to find that he fit what I find most appealing in a man (physically speaking). On paper, he wasn't a perfect fit for me either. There were things about him that I wouldn't have chosen. But I found that I appreciated most of them and the others didn't seem to matter so much. He was the only one who I felt something for the moment I meant him. I want to find that feeling again, with someone else. So...
A new perspective... So just the other day, I was talking to a girlfriend about all of this. And she gave me some really good advice. She told me that perhaps I was being too open (and just to be clear, I am not talking and going out with just anyone and everyone). She thought I was being so open that when date time came, I wasn't meeting a person I truly was attracted too and therefore had no interest in taking it to the next date let alone the next step. Her suggestion was to be more selective initially and to be more open on the actual date and to be more open in setting up a second date, etc. I think that is the next step for me. I think that is what I need to do. I can say that I tried. I tried to be open. That openness has helped. It has helped me to define more of what I want in a man. Now, I need to use that to move on to a more serious approach.
Which is why now I have taken myself offline. I need to regroup. I need new updated pictures that better represent the me of today and how I want to present myself. I also need to come up with a new profile description. So, I am going to say goodbye to dating for a bit so that I can get my shit together, so to say, lol.
I decided that I was going to take a very open approach. I was open to meeting a variety of men. Obviously I have communicated with plenty more than I have physically gone out with, but in just dates alone, I have gone out with two Asian men, a Latino man, an African American man, and a few white men. I have been stood up by a Native American man and an Iranian man. With that variety of ethnicities, it has also brought about a variety of religious beliefs and overall a variety of life experiences. What I have learned is that there are cultural difference and even though I can respect them all, it doesn't mean that some are meant for me. I also learned that just because someone looks good on paper, it doesn't mean that they are good for me in actuality.
I have also tried to be open and not close doors based solely on appearances. There were some instances when I just couldn't... but there have been many times when I stepped outside of myself and gave chance to someone who didn't strike me with their looks. However, what I have learned is that those men were not any better in character to make up for their lack in good looks. I also learned that it doesn't make me shallow when I am just drawn toward a particular type of man. There are just some physical qualities that appeal to me and that attraction is not only important, but its necessary for me to have in a relationship.
Jesse has been my exception in both of these cases. I don't think that I ever would have initiated first based on his profile description or pictures. He looked very different in person to me than he did in his photos. And what a surprise it was to find that he fit what I find most appealing in a man (physically speaking). On paper, he wasn't a perfect fit for me either. There were things about him that I wouldn't have chosen. But I found that I appreciated most of them and the others didn't seem to matter so much. He was the only one who I felt something for the moment I meant him. I want to find that feeling again, with someone else. So...
A new perspective... So just the other day, I was talking to a girlfriend about all of this. And she gave me some really good advice. She told me that perhaps I was being too open (and just to be clear, I am not talking and going out with just anyone and everyone). She thought I was being so open that when date time came, I wasn't meeting a person I truly was attracted too and therefore had no interest in taking it to the next date let alone the next step. Her suggestion was to be more selective initially and to be more open on the actual date and to be more open in setting up a second date, etc. I think that is the next step for me. I think that is what I need to do. I can say that I tried. I tried to be open. That openness has helped. It has helped me to define more of what I want in a man. Now, I need to use that to move on to a more serious approach.
Which is why now I have taken myself offline. I need to regroup. I need new updated pictures that better represent the me of today and how I want to present myself. I also need to come up with a new profile description. So, I am going to say goodbye to dating for a bit so that I can get my shit together, so to say, lol.
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