I've always considered myself an acquired taste. Even now, when I feel like my overall appearance is at its best, I still consider myself an acquired taste. If I had to rate myself on an overall appearance scale (face, hair, figure, and clothes combined) I'd say that I am a solid 7. I think that's a fair number and I think the average person would agree with me (atleast that I am not rating myself too highly). ;)However, despite the fact that I am in good shape, I'm well put together, and am decent on the eye... I am still an acquired taste. What do I mean by that? I am not a person that has now or has ever been one to get hit on (often). I am not the one that guys gravitate towards when I am out at a bar or other social place. I know there are other factors like body language, confidence, and flirtation that play a role, but for the purpose of this post I am focusing mainly on the outside.
The outside... it plays such a crucial role and I say that with all sincerity of not being shallow. Even in The Beauty Inside there's a line where Alex says (I'm paraphrasing here) how important looks are how it opens up so many doors. It can be hard to look past the outer shell to find the beauty within and that doesn't necessarily make that other person shallow (especially if you are unknown to them). This connects strongly with online dating, where you are meeting virtual strangers who are mainly basing you on your photos, so not only are you being judged on your outer shell, but also on your ability to take good pictures, which are not one in the same.
I have to admit that I have been reading lots about dating. I've recently read He's Just Not that Into You and I have now moved on to blogs. Actually its one blog in particular, which like the book I just mentioned, it is also written by a man for women. It's called The Rules Revisited and I have found it to be really interested and eye opening. It inspired this very post which is basically all about what do men find attractive and the author of the blog, Andrew, has written many posts on this topic.
One post that was very interesting is one that rates different aspects (and not all bodily) that men find attractive and then it also lists how much control we as women have over those areas (see Feminine Beauty is Highly Controllable). Just to summarize that, the top 3 most important, {drum roll}...
Facial structure... uh, what? I know that a symmetrical face is more attractive to the eye, but I am not sure how symmetrical or non-symmetrical I am, perhaps I need to play with the camera tonight, lol. As far as anything else, I am most insecure about the dark circles under my eyes. I have always had them. I have tried a million different types of makeup and creams, but they are just there. They are just me. I try my best to cover them and to choose makeup colors that will distract from them, but I sometimes I feel that I am more hard on myself about them than they are actually noticed by others, because... what I get commented on the most... my eyes and lips. Funny, because those are two the the features my husband downplayed to me. But I have been told that my eyes look honest and innocent (maybe that's not a compliment.?.) and I've heard a variety of things about my lips/smile. How do I measure up here? Honestly, I have no idea. I think this area is more subjective than #1.
Finally, hair. Oh my. What did I do after things ended with Jesse? I got my hair restyled which equates to cut! (Hmmm, perhaps my Turkish Tom Cruise wasn't flirting!) My hair is already short, like above the shoulders short. I have never had long hair and when it was long (like shoulder length) it was nasty. My hair is fine and so when it gets long it get straggly. My hair is naturally curly which also mean when it gets long it gets frizzy, no matter the products used. So short hair it is and I have to admit it works on me. It fits me, my facial structure (lol), and my petite size. I have asked plenty of beauticians about this and they all agree. But in another post from Andrew, short hair is an "inspite of" rather than a "because of." And its true... I saw a post where there were about 8 photos of the same woman but in each one her hair and/or makeup were done differently (all head shots). Guess where she was rated the highest (and you could see each man that voted and his rankings)? The photo of her with long hair that looked unkept... but it was long! Ugh. How do I measure up? I fall as short as my hair does here. I'd like to say well, it's only 7%, but it is #3!
Guess what else I read last night? I read an article from an online site that I actually use, OK Cupid and it was about who gets the most messages (and this didn't go into what the message entailed and who was sending them, it was all about quantity, not quality of the messages). Well, ranking woman from 1-4, (1 = ugly, 2 = ok, 3 = very attractive, 4 = hot) obviously, the hot ones got the most messages. The second most, the "ugly" women! Apparently, the 3's were overlooked because they weren't the "hot" ones that a guy might just try and take a stab at, but ones that were thought of as very attractive but more attainable therefore making the competition greater (in the male's mind) however, they were seeing the least amount of messages! This article said that if you are cute, then forget it. It works against you.
Ugh.. guys, I am cute (I cannot escape that word no matter how old I get!) and I have short hair!!!!!!!
I truly am an acquired taste. I said that about myself without even realizing how true that really is. Now there is always the exception. The guy who truly finds cute and short hair attractive. Or there are some that will find me attractive "despite" the cuteness and short hair.
Now this post is not intended to objectify women or myself for that matter. But I do agree first of all that physical attraction is very important. I have to admit also that I do the same thing online. Eight out of ten times, I look at the pictures first and there have been many times when I haven't made it to what the man wrote about himself based solely on his outer appearance. We can't deny the importance of the outer shell. What I realized from reading the blog mentioned today is that there are so many other features that we all posses that can help balance ourselves out. (Do I need another 3 months of p90x to make up for my short hair?!? lol).
I just thought that all of this information was fascinating. What am I going to do with it all? Well, that's for another post :). For now, I am going to take with me that when a man tells me that he is attracted to me or that he finds me pretty or beautiful or hot... I think I am actually going to believe him. That doesn't mean we are in love or that he is my amazing. It just means that since I am an acquired taste and that girl that gets overlooked, he happened to notice me because he genuinely thinks I am all that... atleast on the outside.
The outside... it plays such a crucial role and I say that with all sincerity of not being shallow. Even in The Beauty Inside there's a line where Alex says (I'm paraphrasing here) how important looks are how it opens up so many doors. It can be hard to look past the outer shell to find the beauty within and that doesn't necessarily make that other person shallow (especially if you are unknown to them). This connects strongly with online dating, where you are meeting virtual strangers who are mainly basing you on your photos, so not only are you being judged on your outer shell, but also on your ability to take good pictures, which are not one in the same.
I have to admit that I have been reading lots about dating. I've recently read He's Just Not that Into You and I have now moved on to blogs. Actually its one blog in particular, which like the book I just mentioned, it is also written by a man for women. It's called The Rules Revisited and I have found it to be really interested and eye opening. It inspired this very post which is basically all about what do men find attractive and the author of the blog, Andrew, has written many posts on this topic.
One post that was very interesting is one that rates different aspects (and not all bodily) that men find attractive and then it also lists how much control we as women have over those areas (see Feminine Beauty is Highly Controllable). Just to summarize that, the top 3 most important, {drum roll}...
- Weight and Fitness (30%)
- Facial Structure (20%)
- Hair (7%)
Facial structure... uh, what? I know that a symmetrical face is more attractive to the eye, but I am not sure how symmetrical or non-symmetrical I am, perhaps I need to play with the camera tonight, lol. As far as anything else, I am most insecure about the dark circles under my eyes. I have always had them. I have tried a million different types of makeup and creams, but they are just there. They are just me. I try my best to cover them and to choose makeup colors that will distract from them, but I sometimes I feel that I am more hard on myself about them than they are actually noticed by others, because... what I get commented on the most... my eyes and lips. Funny, because those are two the the features my husband downplayed to me. But I have been told that my eyes look honest and innocent (maybe that's not a compliment.?.) and I've heard a variety of things about my lips/smile. How do I measure up here? Honestly, I have no idea. I think this area is more subjective than #1.
| The Rachel |
Guess what else I read last night? I read an article from an online site that I actually use, OK Cupid and it was about who gets the most messages (and this didn't go into what the message entailed and who was sending them, it was all about quantity, not quality of the messages). Well, ranking woman from 1-4, (1 = ugly, 2 = ok, 3 = very attractive, 4 = hot) obviously, the hot ones got the most messages. The second most, the "ugly" women! Apparently, the 3's were overlooked because they weren't the "hot" ones that a guy might just try and take a stab at, but ones that were thought of as very attractive but more attainable therefore making the competition greater (in the male's mind) however, they were seeing the least amount of messages! This article said that if you are cute, then forget it. It works against you.
Ugh.. guys, I am cute (I cannot escape that word no matter how old I get!) and I have short hair!!!!!!!
I truly am an acquired taste. I said that about myself without even realizing how true that really is. Now there is always the exception. The guy who truly finds cute and short hair attractive. Or there are some that will find me attractive "despite" the cuteness and short hair.
Now this post is not intended to objectify women or myself for that matter. But I do agree first of all that physical attraction is very important. I have to admit also that I do the same thing online. Eight out of ten times, I look at the pictures first and there have been many times when I haven't made it to what the man wrote about himself based solely on his outer appearance. We can't deny the importance of the outer shell. What I realized from reading the blog mentioned today is that there are so many other features that we all posses that can help balance ourselves out. (Do I need another 3 months of p90x to make up for my short hair?!? lol).
I just thought that all of this information was fascinating. What am I going to do with it all? Well, that's for another post :). For now, I am going to take with me that when a man tells me that he is attracted to me or that he finds me pretty or beautiful or hot... I think I am actually going to believe him. That doesn't mean we are in love or that he is my amazing. It just means that since I am an acquired taste and that girl that gets overlooked, he happened to notice me because he genuinely thinks I am all that... atleast on the outside.
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